I am grateful to earn your respect and love

I think, i am more than grateful to be myself.. I think i am such a blessed person.. Perhaps this is my luck.. i always take this place as my home.. a place which i am fully comfortable in..

It all begins on that day when i request to attend the corporate tax training.. and the next thing i knew.. was ms teh came to see my boss...it was a coincidence as i just came back from toilet and she saw me before she went in to see my boss... she pulled me to one side and ask me whether i have told my boss about my wanting to transfer.. i casually said i mentioned it to my performance manager during interim dialogue, that is before i got into national service...

After that, i was so scared when i saw ms teh and my two bosses are in the room discussing what i obviously know is on myself.. i never felt so nervous before in office, to the extent where my hands and legs are numb and i am actually trembling.. i was expecting ms teh to come and find me immediately after the meeting, but she did not, maybe after moved to my new place.. it is almost difficult to locate me, because i am too small in size anyway..

I went over to get some water and at the same time.. went to disturb auyong, i learn of the reason why many of them tendered their resignation.. i was quite shock when i know that it is due to one manager, who is actually quite friendly with me.. hmmm... maybe it is difficult to judge a person by its cover.. and we share our times in our jobs.. sitting on the floor in front of her cabinet.. whichever colleague, manager or even partner will not just walk past without noticing us... and we just sat there like that and chat for an hour..

my boss called me in a few minutes after return to my place.. she told me i can attend the training.. i was so very happy.. and she told me to think about it, whether i want a transfer or secondment... she told me at the first place that she would like to keep me and i respect her honesty and feel ever so blessed to gain her favor.. i told her my piece of mind as well, that although it was totally an unexpected event that i got transferred here, but i totally have no regrets at all... she seem glad of that comment of mine.. but it is true.. i learn a lot in the past one year, from a weak.. insufficient knowledge individual to an independent assistant consultant, who, very happily, managed to solve a few cases on my own this week in the absence of my senior.. maybe, i am better than i thought i really am.. boss said she may request for me to return to assist the department during peak period if i am with corporate tax in the near future, depending on the manpower in the department that year.. but isnt that always what i wanted? to achieve what i want in life and yet earn a bonus knowledge.. but i thought that it is not possible because that seem to make me belonging to neither here nor there..

and today, she called me in before i make a move to irb.. she wants my answer.. i told her, i decided to transfer.. but i will return every year between feb to april.. she was quite surprised.. i think she never expect me to conclude that.. but i told her that means my future boss, whichever it is, will have to know that i have such a duty and have to ensure the 3 months of mine are clear as i am quite concerned, i may not be able to juggle the work of two different departments at the same time.. she said it should not be a problem, i am pretty relieved.. i think she too.. seem pleased with my answer.. yes, i know that by belonging to two department.. it will be very stressful and tiring for me.. as i hardly have a free day in a year.. but at least, i have the best of both worlds.. which is pretty much an advantage for me..

I am ever so grateful to earn the respect and love of my bosses... i understand that my boss is pretty much a health conscious person.. but i like to think that, in one way or another, it is for me.. this year department's trip in november, it will be in an organic farm.. all vegan farm.. it is as if, it is meant for me.. or at least, i like to think that way.. hahahaha..

thank you so much my bosses..

but that does not mean when being in course, you will be totally free as.. i have to study for it!!! >.< .. so now, my weekend is so pack!!!! with income tax act and public rulings for those in corporate tax...

A bumpy journey

I think i have never felt so helpless before as like last week, i mean, i no longer have to fear that i am unable to tackle issues in the absence of my senior, but i am really weighted down last week.. I was so tired on wednesday that for the first time, i look forward to have my junior back, at least i can allocate some work to her.. Assisting 4 seniors is really not easy, matter of fact it is tiring.. so on wednesday night itself i started planning, what to give her.. then at least there will be less backlog cases..

But then, on thursday morning, as my other colleagues who stayed in the same condo and walk with her to work came, i did not see her, they came angry, they said she told them she was on MC after they texted her.. she do not have the initiative to tell them herself and they have to wait for her.. and neither them nor i know that she is on leave on friday, her birthday and mine.. I felt so weak then, i want to break down and cry.. i think, not to cry because of stress... i thought of the work i have on hand, and the work i have to put on hold for my own senior.. maybe, i do have high expectations and seriously hate it when my expectations are not met.. that was such a big bump...

it is my fault as well i guess, maybe i should not have such high expectations.. maybe i should not expect someone else behave like me, although we were born on the same day.. that bump really weight me down emotionally.. i was so tired tht day, and i seem to have lost my memory.. and what did my other colleague say when i ask a question, i really cant think when i am in such condition, i was hurt.. and i have 2 other seniors work, and i have advisory to do.. and at such a state, my other colleague asked what happened to me.. i should be better than her.. sigh~~ that was another bump... but i guess it is because no one else are in my shoes..

friday was my birthday.. yum! i ate well man.. after a full day work.. that was rewarding.. saturday was pretty cool too.. hahah.. i work from home.. boy, those files are just heavy,, caught a movie on sunday.. hmmm.. the story of going the distance is there, but it is a bit senget... 18SX man.. and a lot of bad words which i do not like.. its like F***ing every 2 minutes.. that was pretty annoying..

I started feeling emo after the movie yesterday.. i felt demotivated when i thought of coming back to work..

I was kind of right i guess.. it was pretty upsetting when i see both my senior and junior appear today, i can forgive my senior, after all she have to rest after the operation.. and she came in yesterday.. it was then i felt so sad.. she said she was surprised to find her desk rather clean, just 3 files at the side.. i could have done more.. if i do not have to do the work of others as well.. sigh~~ i cleaned up her emails.. like i always do.. and she is glad about that.. i cant help it.. i have to speak up about how i felt last week.. she just told me to calm down.. she said she meant to come in on thursday... but there wasnt enough time.. as she waited too long for the doctor.. i forgive her.. its not her fault after all.. but i cant help but to feel pissed just to think of last thursday.. i know for sure, that it was a fake MC, she was still having fun and not very sick, otherwise, how can she look so well and about now?

i understand that my senior is stressed out today, 1 look at her and i know.. and i cant help but to feel worry about her.. her portfolio is not easy.. most of the less straightforward tax computations belong to her.. she cherished me because i find all these difficult stuff fun!i am not shy to let her know about that.. and she thinks i am crazy and i know, somehow, she is grateful that she have me, i felt it deep in my heart, because there is someone there to argue the clients information with her.. haha.. i just love doing that.. aint i one insane assistant?


I hope that she will become skilful.. like that i do not have to worry so much.. sigh~~ how?