I think i have never felt so helpless before as like last week, i mean, i no longer have to fear that i am unable to tackle issues in the absence of my senior, but i am really weighted down last week.. I was so tired on wednesday that for the first time, i look forward to have my junior back, at least i can allocate some work to her.. Assisting 4 seniors is really not easy, matter of fact it is tiring.. so on wednesday night itself i started planning, what to give her.. then at least there will be less backlog cases..
But then, on thursday morning, as my other colleagues who stayed in the same condo and walk with her to work came, i did not see her, they came angry, they said she told them she was on MC after they texted her.. she do not have the initiative to tell them herself and they have to wait for her.. and neither them nor i know that she is on leave on friday, her birthday and mine.. I felt so weak then, i want to break down and cry.. i think, not to cry because of stress... i thought of the work i have on hand, and the work i have to put on hold for my own senior.. maybe, i do have high expectations and seriously hate it when my expectations are not met.. that was such a big bump...
it is my fault as well i guess, maybe i should not have such high expectations.. maybe i should not expect someone else behave like me, although we were born on the same day.. that bump really weight me down emotionally.. i was so tired tht day, and i seem to have lost my memory.. and what did my other colleague say when i ask a question, i really cant think when i am in such condition, i was hurt.. and i have 2 other seniors work, and i have advisory to do.. and at such a state, my other colleague asked what happened to me.. i should be better than her.. sigh~~ that was another bump... but i guess it is because no one else are in my shoes..
friday was my birthday.. yum! i ate well man.. after a full day work.. that was rewarding.. saturday was pretty cool too.. hahah.. i work from home.. boy, those files are just heavy,, caught a movie on sunday.. hmmm.. the story of going the distance is there, but it is a bit senget... 18SX man.. and a lot of bad words which i do not like.. its like F***ing every 2 minutes.. that was pretty annoying..
I started feeling emo after the movie yesterday.. i felt demotivated when i thought of coming back to work..
I was kind of right i guess.. it was pretty upsetting when i see both my senior and junior appear today, i can forgive my senior, after all she have to rest after the operation.. and she came in yesterday.. it was then i felt so sad.. she said she was surprised to find her desk rather clean, just 3 files at the side.. i could have done more.. if i do not have to do the work of others as well.. sigh~~ i cleaned up her emails.. like i always do.. and she is glad about that.. i cant help it.. i have to speak up about how i felt last week.. she just told me to calm down.. she said she meant to come in on thursday... but there wasnt enough time.. as she waited too long for the doctor.. i forgive her.. its not her fault after all.. but i cant help but to feel pissed just to think of last thursday.. i know for sure, that it was a fake MC, she was still having fun and not very sick, otherwise, how can she look so well and about now?
i understand that my senior is stressed out today, 1 look at her and i know.. and i cant help but to feel worry about her.. her portfolio is not easy.. most of the less straightforward tax computations belong to her.. she cherished me because i find all these difficult stuff fun!i am not shy to let her know about that.. and she thinks i am crazy and i know, somehow, she is grateful that she have me, i felt it deep in my heart, because there is someone there to argue the clients information with her.. haha.. i just love doing that.. aint i one insane assistant?
I hope that she will become skilful.. like that i do not have to worry so much.. sigh~~ how?
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