A fact is that, i had a wonderful time during internship last year, i love corporate tax.. and kept helding on to those wonderful memories... they are my motivation that drive me to work hard with my life, i practically bet my life upon it.. because i aim to return.. when i got the offer at 31 december 2008 at 3.40pm.. i was so happy, a dream came true.. but still, i continued to work hard because i wish to achieve a first class so that my final year in university will remain as a precious memory.. yes.. i was so close.. maybe just 0.2% extra will change my life.. but that miracle did not happen.. never mind, it is still a good result and i am still pleased and thankful, that time really look forward to return to the company, waiting to go back to corporate tax and start the peak season with happiness..
its all bias and unfairness.. how can judgment made a person by look? as they say.. dun judge a book by its cover.. but how can they do that to me?? just because next to the other girl, also previously an intern.. i am smaller and more petite and i look more like a child, that does not mean that i am not capable.. i might be a very blur person but i am definitely not stupid.. if i am really not capable, why on earth am i back for?? they underestimated my ability to dig information.. yes, i do not deny that the corporate tax pool is pack now.. but does that mean a place is not available for me?? i am allocated there on the first place.. and imagine.. after all those stupid e-tests.. i came up excited.. expecting to start and what happened?
i was called into the director's room and she said that the CPTX pool is oversupplied and she puts me into IES or personal tax department.. she did not give me a choice.. and i can only accept.. i cant say no on my first day right? she really know how to flatter me alright, she said she remembered me.. as a hardworking and willing to learn person.. yes, i do not deny that.. but placing me in a new department means.. my dreams clashes.. my motivation.. gone.. became sand and flow away.. i really want to cry.. yes.. my current senior is by far more friendly.. but i missed my past senior with her surly tongue.. i missed her scoldings.. does that make me a self-torture person?? i missed the situation sitting in CPTX.. all of us dont talk much but somehow, we are bound from within the heart.. interns, seniors, managers and partners.. we seem to feel each other and there is warmth there.. but after my 3rd day in IES.. i decided that it is just not same.. people are not as friendly.. something more is missing other than that.. it is passion..
it is unfair because it is me and jacq got transferred.. yes, i dont mind giving it a try.. but if i am given the choice.. i will say no.. i agree with michelle that i ought to give it a chance.. who knows i might like it.. but so far.. unlike the speed last year.. i do not find it interesting.. and perhaps it is off-peak now.. i felt like the tasks i was given is really different and they emphasis on unimportant stuff.. like hole punching?! ridiculus.. and the work i was given.. all i can say is boring.. it is not something i am ready to invest my life in.. my ex-manager daryl said that our future cannot be determined by others.. it was a shock of betrayal.. indeed.. if he did get to the bottom of it, i will be forever thankful.. there is nothing i want more really..
i love CPTX.. thats a fact.. and i was not given an opportunity to control my own life.. i had been cheated out of a dream.. i felt so sad and guilty.. i cant help my ex-senior at all.. helping her had been a pleasure, which i had told michelle, another ex-manager that.. the truth that last year, i work for passion, not i work for work..yes.. she may be cross at me often since i make frequent stupid mistakes last year and i understand that.. i understand her anxiousness and stress.. she dont have to say it, from the way she walk and look, i can tell.. like just now, when i saw the way she walked to toilet, i see that she is under stress..note that i am not a lesbian but i just observe.. i love doing that to each and every person in this world..i walked past guan heng, my ex-partner as well.. initially he cannot recognise me.. but i think he kind of remember now.. i hope miracle can happen for my and jacq's return to CPTX.
yes.. currently, my dreams may shattered to become dust but dust can gather again and form something new and good.. but sand... as fine as it is.. gone with the wind..so i am praying for miracle to happen.. please do..
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