I really hate it... what is the use sometimes of me working so hard?? i like this job, but i hate the times when i really really felt so unappreciated, and especially i got blamed for something i did not do wrong...
I like to undertake responsibilities, i can probably sacrifice everything to get some achievement.. because i have a character called never give up.. but if at the first place, that thing is not done by you and you just took over to amend it, just put back accordingly, because that is what i did.. if it is wrong, then the first person placed it wrongly.. and i got blamed for it, that is so unfair..
maybe this is life.. maybe, people who do not understand me will think i am not that worthwhile.. i really did take back the advisory fail yesterday, stayed up until 1am just to study it, understand it.. it is not easy, but i have the determination, and i was so tired, my senior knows it and respect me for it.. because i am willing to do that.. but others, they just said i have the motivation to do it because i am new.. does this means as time goes.. i will be very lazy?? that is so unfair...
when can i go back to cptx? why do i have to stay so late to work here? sometimes, i just dont understand why...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
my days so far...
time really flies, it is now towards the end of january 2010, as the days went by and we get older by each second.. will we follow suit and become more mature each second as well?? i wonder about that really.. now that i am done with my 3rd week of the new year, all i can say is that, so far, its not too bad.. although it have been quite busy..
the second week of work is basically, a week of training.. the MBTI training which have been sponsored by boss, too bad i am unable to attend the final session because i have gotten gastric.. that would have been the best session ever.. stress management, haih.. been looking forward to that day the most and of all days, it is that day my stomach play tricks on me.. darn.. i have learn that i am a ISTJ.. introvert sensing thinking and judgement.. wow, which means i am quiet, which is very true.. i see things by logic and not beyond it, i think about situation with a practical mind, sometimes perhaps tend to ignore the feelings of others, and i judge accordingly, i do not perceive what i see.. the training was quite interesting.. LOL..
then, this work came and officially, came the peak.. but i dunno, somehow i felt that after the training, my colleagues seem to be able to understand me better, since by birth, i am not an extrovert person.. so in a way, it is good.. what shock me is the sudden appreciation from my senior.. suddenly she told me i am good and that she is happy with me so far but we have to learn to be more careful.. and then suddenly she salute me for having the initiative to learn something myself when i start on something, huh? i was like.. okay.. i frown a little when i look at her as she said that.. perhaps she thought i do not believe what she says. no.. what was on my mind but i cant say was in notts, we were taught to be like that, given the my situation to my friends, i believe they will do the same too, because we were all trained this way...
regardless, there is still something that annoyed me and something that made me laugh.. what annoyed me was lies.. stupid lies to cover one after another.. actually yesterday morning i spoke to her and i was fine.. because my director told me to consult in A on taxes upon ESOS and RSA.. as a first timer, in a way, i am thankful i was given the opportunity to learn advisory.. and since A was the ex-senior for this portfolio which my senior now took over.. and it is sure a very complicated portfolio.. but on advisory side of it, i report straight to the director, gah.. am i too early to learn that? but perhaps, in a way, it is good for me as i learn more.. what annoyed me came later in the evening, my senior spoke to A on the phone.. and i am holding a few files.. she suddenly said she got file something when in the fact, there is none, and then she blamed others not filing it.. then she said she wrote something on each letter when there is none.. and she said she erase all of it.. there are 20++ letters there!! who will be so free to write something and erase all of it on all the letters? if she wants to lie, then make sure she is able to lie to a very high standard till i cant suspect anything, because i hate petty lies...
what is funny is that one of the partner from another department, who is quite close to my senior.. who saw me or susan staying late often.. asked dont i have a life? since most young people he know is probably in some hip hop party on friday night, i smiled and said my life in on the weekends.. not friday night.. and then i dont know what happened, but all of a sudden, he was talking to my senior and director and i heard my name being mentioned, as kim jie jie??? hallo!! he is in his mid-40s and i am on my early 20s.. thats why my director he ought to call me kim mui mui.. then he proceed to call me aunty kim pulak? i cant help but to smile.. hahah.. this partner is cute.. he is also the partner who will eat mee sua in the middle of the night.. LOL...
but not a bad start to signify 2010 la.. =p
the second week of work is basically, a week of training.. the MBTI training which have been sponsored by boss, too bad i am unable to attend the final session because i have gotten gastric.. that would have been the best session ever.. stress management, haih.. been looking forward to that day the most and of all days, it is that day my stomach play tricks on me.. darn.. i have learn that i am a ISTJ.. introvert sensing thinking and judgement.. wow, which means i am quiet, which is very true.. i see things by logic and not beyond it, i think about situation with a practical mind, sometimes perhaps tend to ignore the feelings of others, and i judge accordingly, i do not perceive what i see.. the training was quite interesting.. LOL..
then, this work came and officially, came the peak.. but i dunno, somehow i felt that after the training, my colleagues seem to be able to understand me better, since by birth, i am not an extrovert person.. so in a way, it is good.. what shock me is the sudden appreciation from my senior.. suddenly she told me i am good and that she is happy with me so far but we have to learn to be more careful.. and then suddenly she salute me for having the initiative to learn something myself when i start on something, huh? i was like.. okay.. i frown a little when i look at her as she said that.. perhaps she thought i do not believe what she says. no.. what was on my mind but i cant say was in notts, we were taught to be like that, given the my situation to my friends, i believe they will do the same too, because we were all trained this way...
regardless, there is still something that annoyed me and something that made me laugh.. what annoyed me was lies.. stupid lies to cover one after another.. actually yesterday morning i spoke to her and i was fine.. because my director told me to consult in A on taxes upon ESOS and RSA.. as a first timer, in a way, i am thankful i was given the opportunity to learn advisory.. and since A was the ex-senior for this portfolio which my senior now took over.. and it is sure a very complicated portfolio.. but on advisory side of it, i report straight to the director, gah.. am i too early to learn that? but perhaps, in a way, it is good for me as i learn more.. what annoyed me came later in the evening, my senior spoke to A on the phone.. and i am holding a few files.. she suddenly said she got file something when in the fact, there is none, and then she blamed others not filing it.. then she said she wrote something on each letter when there is none.. and she said she erase all of it.. there are 20++ letters there!! who will be so free to write something and erase all of it on all the letters? if she wants to lie, then make sure she is able to lie to a very high standard till i cant suspect anything, because i hate petty lies...
what is funny is that one of the partner from another department, who is quite close to my senior.. who saw me or susan staying late often.. asked dont i have a life? since most young people he know is probably in some hip hop party on friday night, i smiled and said my life in on the weekends.. not friday night.. and then i dont know what happened, but all of a sudden, he was talking to my senior and director and i heard my name being mentioned, as kim jie jie??? hallo!! he is in his mid-40s and i am on my early 20s.. thats why my director he ought to call me kim mui mui.. then he proceed to call me aunty kim pulak? i cant help but to smile.. hahah.. this partner is cute.. he is also the partner who will eat mee sua in the middle of the night.. LOL...
but not a bad start to signify 2010 la.. =p
Friday, January 8, 2010
In certain circumstances, maybe knowing less is better..
They say that when you are reluctant to learn.. you are ignorant.. yes, it may seem so.. because we ought to learn things from people more experienced than us.. but sometimes, it really depends on what kind of situations are those.. a child, maybe just an innocent infant.. have full of creative thoughts about the world.. he sees the world in an entire different way as most of us do.. can that be considered as naive? innocent? ignorant or silly? well.. not really.. i guess i call that genius.. because the child is always full of hope and happiness, the child do not know what is it called depression.. the child see tomorrow as a another bright day.. perhaps sometimes, before we make such assumptions, we ought to review our own memory and remember that, when we were very young children.. once upon a time.. we were like that as well.. and as we know more.. we learn about stress, depression and tiredness.. tears flow as a result of sadness.. the child will cry of course, maybe when he fell down and when he felt pain.. but unlikely it will be due to the abstract feelings which i have listed above..
What i think is better off learning less will be better.. on the first position.. is probably human relationships.. why create hatred and betrayals? of course when we work, we are forced to face with all kinds of situation and it is up to us to decide how we aim to resolve it.. the winner survives.. the loser leaves.. and that is life.. and how we feel all the time is within the control of our minds.. even in a most emotionally tiring situation.. so long you have the ability to convince yourself, that everything will be fine.. there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world, that you cannot overcome.. we learn from experience and it is a routine thing.. that is what i told my senior when she thought i have too high expectations on myself.. she thought i am stressed out, i am not.. i told her.. i call those high expectations motivations.. she was so stunned and it did shut her up last month.. i do not deny, sometimes i cannot take it when everyday of my life.. i hear her loud complains.. here pain, there pain.. here stress there stress.. well.. who have never experienced stress in life? each of us have our own problems.. but in the end.. it is really up to you to decide, what to do.. which is why i respect my ex-seniors.. i hardly hear them complain.. they are by far younger.. but they seem wiser.. and i always tell myself time and again.. be like them.. not following the attitude of the people around you now.. people in my former department make wonderful role models.. keep your feelings inside and let it out only in silence..
which is how an old song goes.. #don't cry out loud~~ just keep it inside.. learn how to live that feeling#
why i suddenly mention such a topic is due to my thoughts from my lunch with 2 colleagues today.. the older one.. said that she is very stressed because boss kept rushing her for the 30-page proposal for her client.. even when she is sick.. she have to come back to rush it.. and she said that bosses do not know how to appreciate them.. complain that their bonuses are very little and all.. complain on the long working hours.. complain on the strain.. sigh.. although i listen in silence and occasionally, just smile and give a nod or two.. but what really reflect in my thoughts.. i guess they will never know.. the younger one complained about my ex-performance manager, who have now been promoted to director.. hence changes in my reporting route.. on her high expectations, wanting us to work long hours and always amend a same letter 101 times.. which is totally unnecessary.. yes, sometimes i do not deny that she is a bit cheong hei.. but she is also a perfectionist.. and experienced people are what that is needed for us to look up upon isnt it?
but as the youngest and newest (well..maybe now, 2nd newest) in the department.. i guess i do not have the power to voice out my judgement.. who will believe me? i think that contentment and satisfaction is more important than cash.. not many people understands.. not even my own mother.. who will look at me and think that i have gone completely nuts.. now.. if i believe 100% on what they say and throw away my own opinion, we learn to hate and dislike.. is that good? i have experienced this before.. when i was 19.. i believed in gossips and thus, i lost a friend.. which i know was harmless to me.. in that case, wont knowing less be a better alternative?
they say boss do not appreciate them and they are not happy with the bonuses, but do they ever take into account of the current economy? i am here for 6 months.. normally i will not be qualified to get bonus.. so without checking.. i assumed that it will be like that.. even told my ex-senior that on wednesday.. but after i said that, i went to the bank and saw that i was given.. which turned out to be a surprise for me.. although it is not a lot..just almost one month.. but i am more than contented.. and i think my hard work, those late nights and the weekend i came back to work, is worth it and it pays off.. really.. a small amount like that, is enough for me to think that i have been appreciated..
my ex-PM asked my colleague why i go back so early this week.. i know 6.30pm may not seem early.. but it is definitely more early than usual for me.. call me a workaholic but actually i like staying late to work.. i considered myself as an ultimately dull girl.. i am really all work and no play.. because i really am unsure what is play for me.. it is just that i have to get home early this week for my family.. i have some family issues up.. so i must balance up my time for it.. besides.. peak is just around the corner and i have to cherish the final freedom i can get.. before i have to cope with full time work as well as part time self-studying system for my CPA examninations.. but i have faith in myself.. as long as i want it.. there is nothing in this world that i cannot achieve.. everything is in my own hands and it is up to me to shape it.. obstacles and challenges may come along the way and as long as i am determine enough.. there is no reason i cannot overcome it..
well.. maybe buying lunch for the whole team in an expensive restaurant just because you got promoted is a bit too much la in this department.. but charity brings only good to our life aint it? =)
What i think is better off learning less will be better.. on the first position.. is probably human relationships.. why create hatred and betrayals? of course when we work, we are forced to face with all kinds of situation and it is up to us to decide how we aim to resolve it.. the winner survives.. the loser leaves.. and that is life.. and how we feel all the time is within the control of our minds.. even in a most emotionally tiring situation.. so long you have the ability to convince yourself, that everything will be fine.. there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world, that you cannot overcome.. we learn from experience and it is a routine thing.. that is what i told my senior when she thought i have too high expectations on myself.. she thought i am stressed out, i am not.. i told her.. i call those high expectations motivations.. she was so stunned and it did shut her up last month.. i do not deny, sometimes i cannot take it when everyday of my life.. i hear her loud complains.. here pain, there pain.. here stress there stress.. well.. who have never experienced stress in life? each of us have our own problems.. but in the end.. it is really up to you to decide, what to do.. which is why i respect my ex-seniors.. i hardly hear them complain.. they are by far younger.. but they seem wiser.. and i always tell myself time and again.. be like them.. not following the attitude of the people around you now.. people in my former department make wonderful role models.. keep your feelings inside and let it out only in silence..
which is how an old song goes.. #don't cry out loud~~ just keep it inside.. learn how to live that feeling#
why i suddenly mention such a topic is due to my thoughts from my lunch with 2 colleagues today.. the older one.. said that she is very stressed because boss kept rushing her for the 30-page proposal for her client.. even when she is sick.. she have to come back to rush it.. and she said that bosses do not know how to appreciate them.. complain that their bonuses are very little and all.. complain on the long working hours.. complain on the strain.. sigh.. although i listen in silence and occasionally, just smile and give a nod or two.. but what really reflect in my thoughts.. i guess they will never know.. the younger one complained about my ex-performance manager, who have now been promoted to director.. hence changes in my reporting route.. on her high expectations, wanting us to work long hours and always amend a same letter 101 times.. which is totally unnecessary.. yes, sometimes i do not deny that she is a bit cheong hei.. but she is also a perfectionist.. and experienced people are what that is needed for us to look up upon isnt it?
but as the youngest and newest (well..maybe now, 2nd newest) in the department.. i guess i do not have the power to voice out my judgement.. who will believe me? i think that contentment and satisfaction is more important than cash.. not many people understands.. not even my own mother.. who will look at me and think that i have gone completely nuts.. now.. if i believe 100% on what they say and throw away my own opinion, we learn to hate and dislike.. is that good? i have experienced this before.. when i was 19.. i believed in gossips and thus, i lost a friend.. which i know was harmless to me.. in that case, wont knowing less be a better alternative?
they say boss do not appreciate them and they are not happy with the bonuses, but do they ever take into account of the current economy? i am here for 6 months.. normally i will not be qualified to get bonus.. so without checking.. i assumed that it will be like that.. even told my ex-senior that on wednesday.. but after i said that, i went to the bank and saw that i was given.. which turned out to be a surprise for me.. although it is not a lot..just almost one month.. but i am more than contented.. and i think my hard work, those late nights and the weekend i came back to work, is worth it and it pays off.. really.. a small amount like that, is enough for me to think that i have been appreciated..
my ex-PM asked my colleague why i go back so early this week.. i know 6.30pm may not seem early.. but it is definitely more early than usual for me.. call me a workaholic but actually i like staying late to work.. i considered myself as an ultimately dull girl.. i am really all work and no play.. because i really am unsure what is play for me.. it is just that i have to get home early this week for my family.. i have some family issues up.. so i must balance up my time for it.. besides.. peak is just around the corner and i have to cherish the final freedom i can get.. before i have to cope with full time work as well as part time self-studying system for my CPA examninations.. but i have faith in myself.. as long as i want it.. there is nothing in this world that i cannot achieve.. everything is in my own hands and it is up to me to shape it.. obstacles and challenges may come along the way and as long as i am determine enough.. there is no reason i cannot overcome it..
well.. maybe buying lunch for the whole team in an expensive restaurant just because you got promoted is a bit too much la in this department.. but charity brings only good to our life aint it? =)
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