Dont complain, prove it..

Sometimes, i am very tired

there are times that i felt so fed-up with life

so fed-up of the constrain in my life which i do not deserve

but what can i do?

i was not given the choice from the beginning,

but despite all of it,

i tell myself

do your very best

eventually you will get what you want, whether it is a long wait or not,

prove it to them that you are better than they think

you are just not another fragile cute face

you are strong in heart

because you are you

but, although i keep telling myself that

i am tired

not with the burden and unfulfilled wish i carry in my heart

but with the people i face each day of my life

where i want to be

i hardly hear anyone complain about the workload and responsibility

they do it diligently as that is their responsibility

i have seen that since 2008

and i tell myself to be like them

but, where i am now

people are just different

i hate the word stress

thats why i will never use it

i call fallbacks temporary shutdown situations in life

not something that will kill you

not something that deserve your tears

i try to smile

but complains around me pull me down

is it true that this is due to i am still a junior?

or i am just not meant to be here?

i prefer to think the 2nd option

as it will make me feel better

oh, when can i return to where i belong

be who i want myself to be again?

procrastination on purpose?

Sometimes i think that they did it on purpose, being the position i am now, i dont have much power to determine my own future, hence my reliance on my seniors and managers are strong.. because i was not given a choice at the first place.. sigh!! it seems as if i am like a puppet, they determine my life... regardless, i will still perform all i can, i will still give in my best, because i understand that it is unfair if i take out my anger on whatever i do and in the end, i will harm my own reputation for producing awful quality jobs.. something i dont want at all, to happen...

but time and again i bring up to my senior, of my wish to return to where i belong.. she said ok each time but no action was ever taken.. i feel so disappointed... and cant help but to wonder if this is some selfish intention? will she proscrastinate until it is too late to do anything just to keep me? i know and understand that humans are essentially selfish, but what about the victims? am i destinated to just give in? that is so unfair to me.. but, did they ever realise it?

my senior, to my very surprise and hers as well, got a new assistant out of the blue last week.. and know, i am assisting in training her, she is quite a smart girl, but a bit raw, it is alright, guess i was like that when i first came as an intern.. and that time, i got a rather strict and fierce senior which force me to buck up and work hard, and learn as fast as i can..

my intention now is to try my very best to train her, and eventually, i hope, with all my heart, to be able to be given an opportunity to return to where i belong, i dont think that is a lot to wish for.. i am quite easily contented.. just that one wish to come true, and i am will be happy.. i am always ready to give in all the effort i have in whatever i do.. just this one wish to come true is all i ask for..

do i have the chance? please say yes... *pray hard*