when you see people around you are different

Time really flies.. i still remember vividly my life as a student in Nottingham, it wasn't easy.. and even those days when kim lee was just a naive intern of corporate tax.. those days which i met my first seniors, including my direct senior who has since become a role model to me, since then until today.. to me, she is classy and intelligent, yet, she is beautiful... someone i really admire...

Life was never easy but you can make the best out of it, it basically depends on what you really want to be... you shape your ambition and dreams, you even shape your emotions.. i am a female animal so i admit too, that sometimes, i tend to surrender to my own emotions.. I will never forget, how enthusiastic i once was, as an intern, i LOVE my job and i swore i am saying it honest.. even during weekends at those days, i was thinking about work, maybe it is because that is my first job ever, in my life, and that shapes me.. i brought those memories with me and make them my motivator in life, it turns out well because during my final year, the year people say is a killer year, i scored the best i ever did in university, it was a first class, unfortunately, because i did not do that great in 2nd year, which take up 30% of my final degree result, causes me to be short of o.3% to first class.. that was such a major disappointment, one of the worse since i am short of an A to be of straight A's in SPM.

i will never forget those days when i was still in degree, each evening when i was jogging by the lake, my mind is full of the memories i have stored as an intern, how i longed to be back, sometimes when i cannot sleep at night, i dream of those days, even those pictures were printed and hung in front of my study table, it gives me the energy to continue to study, regardless whether it is up to 3am or 4am in the morning because i have found a motive in life.

when i managed to go back from an offer from kpmg without interview, i was so proud.. i have made that place home since june 2008 and i look forward to see the people i miss and love once again, only that it ends with another major setback. I was transferred, whether i like it or not, to a brand new place, regardless.. i never regret my days here.. i learnt a lot, i made a lot of friends and i still able to make myself home and stay happy... although there were a lot of setbacks.. but all in all, at least, i felt cherished.. thats the most important thing to me.

however, life is not perfect.. one by one, i see my love ones, my seniors in corporate tax and colleagues in IES, leaving... sometimes i actually felt so upset that i wanna cry, i do not make friends in a blink because i am slightly reserved and shy.. although people who knows me some time no longer felt that way.. it is in fact, easier for me to speak to you professionally than making you my close friend which i trust.. when i see one by one, they leave.. for people i know, it starts with choon ling, yi von, lee choong, eunice, auyong, shanthini, mimie, swee joo, susan, jill, tiffany, wica and angel.. so many of them i am close to have now left.. i cant help but to feel slightly depressed..

the biggest setback for me for people of this list is probably you, wica... more than you ever know because i still remember so clearly..when i was an intern, you said since we all are accounting graduates, big 4 is the place we can aim for, and few days ago you said you no longer can meet the expectations here, so you left.. sigh... you were my inspiration.. but when i started my work in IES, it has also given me a whole new view, that i can be independent without you, although you remain a very important figure in my life.. when i return next year, you will no longer be here.. but we will be friends, forever..

xin ai says that i have no point of staying in kpmg anymore since wica is no longer here... maybe if my mentality stays on in 2009, i will agree.. but now, i know i am better than i ever think i am... i can be independent.. hey, i just completed a partnership which was given on a pretty last minute basis.. that is something to be proud of.. xin ai also said that since cptx abandon me from the start, why should i return, isnt that an advantage for them?? my answer will be i made kpmg my home since 2008, i will not find a reason to leave it as long as they did not abuse me more than 5 times, i will not find a reason to bid farewell, by saying abuse, i refer to discrimination, backstab and betrayal.. well, maybe overwork to an extent, but that extent is pretty far away.. probably be the day which i was told to work 16 hours a day for a month? so far, the so called abuse, i have only encountered once... which is the time i was not given a selection to chose my career path.. but i took my revenge anyway.. SWEET!! =)

but people i mentioned above, i miss all of you, although i know there wont be a time to reverse back to those days.. but.. you guys will remain in my heart.. because we are friends.. and that means forever..

Should I be thankful???

The new client listing came out on Thursday... as one person is officially transferring to another department... i was given 45% of her portfolio... should I feel thankful for it? That my bosses think highly of me?? but there will be more more work!!! T.T and officially, my portfolio now has 220 individuals.. maybe now the most of anyone in the department..

Lucky i hope, i will keep my assistant..

and her portfolio is a messs!!! a mess from last time... why didnt she clean it up while she was holding it for the past 2 years??? !""£"£$^$^&*^*^&(*(($:L<

you can do it when you believe you can

It is coming to end.. my stressful first half of the year... my terrible peak has announced its closing ceremony, a day before the deadline, which is today... and yesterday around 4.15pm, when I click submit to my last e-filing client, I felt such a great relief.. hurray!! I am done with April filing, my first filing as a senior, one that has not been easy but also one that made me proud of myself.. that I did not use much help to prove that I can be capable.

Not to say that I am selfish or what or I refused to teach, most of the time, I teach interns and use them, I want to use my assistant, but S never stop using her, I see her also kesian, how I wanted to speak up for her, but now, from former lunch partners demoted to not even a normal friend, I felt more relieve and I can be myself more, I made more friends and is more happier.

I was so naive, when i first came, she was my first friend, she was fine then, only now i reliased, how she enjoyed being the show off.. Speaking to other colleagues, I know she change from the moment she tendered her resignation in Jan and boss kept her by offering her to transfer to the department she aims to be at, how she became nasty, she thinks she has a victory over bosses because they made that counter offer.. and eventually she became such a heartless person, working her intern and assistant to death.. i call that slavery, which is illegal in Malaysia.

I share the same assistant as her, and boy, dont i feel sorry, i try to do everything on my own.. just when i thought i was drowning, i always kept in mind that i can do it.. and i did it.. ahead of her.. wheeee.. my boss was surprise and i am happy when she said good... hehehe

now, is the final count down.. exams!!! next fri!! jia you!!!

Been ages

Wow wow wow... It has been ages since I last update this blog, I think it is probably moldy now.

The last time i post a blog, I was still an assistant, a lot have happened since then but I am just too lazy to update my blog.. Guess this is going to be another long winded essay to summarise all in one.

Well, to begin with, I was promoted to tax consultant with effect from January 2011, but due to the shocking number of resignations, I never got my portfolio until February. So I actually took a senior's pay for doing junior's work for a month. I remembered, I cautioned them before, if the culture do not change for the better, people will never be happy, they will only view working as a torture.. And I got a junior before getting my own portfolio, which is pretty much amusing because at first, I really do not know what to give her.. since I was quite lost myself.

I realised how different it has been... Being a junior and a senior, the amount of stress doubled and for a whole month of February, I have difficulty staying immune and blending into the role. My junior was not too good then, but it was wrong of me to hold high expectations upon everyone. If the manager has not advised me to give her a chance, tell me that not everyone is a quick learner.. Maybe I would not have given others a chance. I see it now, and I see a significant improvement in her, in time, I will train her to be a great performer, but unfortunately, not now, I am only half alive from the peak period.

I was given an intern too, she is good, but too bad, she have to take unpaid leave now when I need her the most, because she did not got through a test.. sigh¬¬¬ I would willingly use my assistant, but I do feel sorry for her, I meant to be the strict one but I guess I can't because when I see Susan overwork her, I think it is not right for me to add into her burden, I do not want to see myself to be the heartless senior, so each time before giving her a lot of work, I would ask whether Susan gave her a lot of work... Because I seriously do not want to demotivate a person, especially on her first job.. I have learnt, people are motivated by different things.. When I was new, I remembered, I fought to be the best, I purposely buy books to catch up on my own because I want to show to the director, I want to make her regret, for transferring me from corporate tax to IES without giving me a chance to prove myself, they rate me according to my physical looks, which is pretty much, like a child still.

And I think I successfully done it ;)

My bosses are prepared to put me back to corporate tax in May, but feeling sorry for them due to the high turnover rate and also at the same time, I thought of myself having to complete my CPA examinations, I chose to delay my own ambitions for a year, which for the first time, I felt regret because when the portfolio listing came out, I was given all the not so good managers, which can be a pain in my ass.. DUH... but still, there is no reversing it, I have to face the truth and work my way through.. and counting down to a year..

I see people around me change.. I felt so down sometimes, I wonder where is the naive and innocent me who can stay happy no matter where I am.. or how stress I am.. I mean, I still can laugh, still can smile, but I really want to bang my head and sleep sometimes, its like I am having difficulty balancing my life with work, studies, family, friends and entertainment. I swear, after peak period and May exam, I am going to partttttaaaayyyy... maybe a shopping spreee.... woo-hoo!!

Lets see.. my status showed that I am 41% done.. that means I still have another 59% to go.. hmmm.. target this week, out at least 30 individuals.. which make it 92 out of 152 clients which i have.. that makes it.. um.. 61% done?? and have another 60 individuals.. arghhhh.. when is this ever going to end??

Never mind.. just try my best thats it!! Gambateh!! everything will be alright!! =) everyday is gonna be a better day..