Thoughts

Sometimes, i think it is good in a way when you start asking yourself who am i? and why do i do this? what would happen if i dont do this?

when i look back, i really miss the lake where i used to jog almost everyday, i miss the greener environment and the fresher air than where i work now, i guess, a part of me belongs to nature.. if i have sufficient money, i will want to own a house in an area where the place is full of trees.. it is fine even if it is by the sea.. i do not mind the salty air everyday, but such faraway dreams.. i think can only be attained when i retire 33 years ahead maybe (if i ever get to retire at the age of 55 that is).

i remembered during then, often, on the way after my jog and back to my room, i used to refresh those memories i have had during my intern days.. and in fact, kind of looking forward to return here.. but after all that happens and with a twist of words from just one person, as if she can play god.. my own dreams and ambitions have been postponed and i hope, with my stubborn personality, will never shatter right in front of my eyes.. i will never let it happen.. ever.. if i know that hope is no longer available here by the end of next year, then i will move on to a new place where hope is built for me and will not be taken away..

but of course, i have made this place home and i hope, this do not have to happen.. this is why despite my unwillingness and the tears i have shed.. (note that i am not a person who usually cries) here, i have to make my keep worthwhile.. somehow, it can be a blessing, well at least i get to learn something new and totally different from where i hope to be.. i have additional knowledge and that is an added advantage, and i know, never in this life, i will ever be regret of the current moments which i am going through now.

i am happy that i manage to prove to the people who monitor me here.. glad that they realised my potential here.. that i have managed to prove to my senior that i assisted her to break her records.. i want to efficient and effective as well, and so far.. i give myself 70% maybe.. but i aim to achieve even better..

praying everyday for my dreams to come true and working hard to achieve it, i hope fate will not fail me and give me another disappointment.. like i do not deny the times which i have faced this year..

cant wait for my loooooonnnnggggg annual leave starting 22nd december till i start work again on 4th january.. i deserve a break.. perhaps i will start studying.. and i hope that year 2010 will definitely be a better one.. (which according to those feng shui books, yes!)