It had been a week of many ups and downs.. a week which i discovered many truths and finally, given an opportunity to release my thoughts.. a week of me being sarcastic for once..
As I had said many times before.. i am a weird person whose character does not reflect my age.. sometimes, i think i am older than i think, my source of entertainment is just plain ridiculous.. or either that, i have been spoil real bad last year by corporate tax, trained and torture myself to be a disciplined person.. and yet, enjoying the suffering within..
Monday... nothing much really.. the company's database have been unstable the entire week and finally, it gets fixed today.. which i hope.. will be final.. note that i came for work last saturday, which result in my post of realising how not worth it is to sacrifice my darlings for it.. facing a senior who is like, doing nothing... and after seeing me facing the computer and clicking the whole day, simply asked.. am i not bored and did not even bother to do anything.. did not even help.. and those are her clients.. i did query her whether i can charge my saturday work on client in timesheet, which we have to do everyday.. she said yes and she will sign me off.. but i cannot charge it as full amount?! i thought overtime should charge more, not less.. i was so stunned.. after given it some thoughts, i recall that she did not do much, probably she is afraid that me as a junior charge more than she.. she said she want to discount my timesheet sometimes.. but is this fair to me??
Wednesday is probably the worse day.. she is in a bad mood.. and it is everything in this world she blamed on me.. 3 times.. she said she told me to do something but i forgot.. which i know very well that she did not.. i am not stupid.. my ears are sharp and i know very well what i heard.. there are 3 types of learning in this world and each human have a part of it.. but one part is stronger.. it is either, learn quickly through reading, listening or practicing, and i am at the service of listening.. unless i am unwilling, else i know what i heard pretty well.. and i am very sure that she did not say it.. i hate accusations and i am as honest as the day.. so i hate her character of turning her imagination into facts without bypassing me.. in addition to that, i really took offence of the sentence she said when it is something that is not considered as my fault.. since filing room failed to retrieve the correct file... how would i know? i am not even involved.. she asked me do i have a brain? and her voice is so freaking loud.. i was once scolded that way when i was young, and i am very sensitive to that.. at that moment, i was so mad that i feel like telling her back straight to the face.. i have a brain and it is better than yours.. but i kept it to myself.. that moment i really dislike her.. to me, you only have the right to criticise others when you do not have the equal disadvantage...
i remained mad the entire thursday.. but i did my work quietly.. and if i find what she said contradicting the truth.. i give it back to her.. i support the truth.. it was raining very heavily yesterday evening about 3.. but there is an urgent case.. and i know she will not go, i am to be the one.. i realised how much i like to undertake responsibilities nowadays.. so regardless of the rain, i go for it.. and i am such a blessed person.. halfway to the inland revenue board, the sun shines brightly.. and the officer i met is so cute and pleasant, which is not a frequent thing especially in non resident branch.. and when i got back, she told me that an officer called to look for me.. and he is cute as well.. ahahha.. i attract cute officers right? and she finally said that she noticed yesterday, both of us are like fighting each other in speech.. i smiled secretly, yeah.. but i stand for the truth.. and i have no regrets for what i did..
today, huh.. i was so sick last week but i am reluctant to take MCs.. because i hate it and i hate having backlogs.. but she, when she left office yesterday, everything was fine and good.. and? she is on mc today.. which i am sure is nothing serious.. as my colleague told me, she is constantly on MCs ever since last year but not as much as this year, right, she became weaker since i came.. or more lazier? look, it is organizer time now and other seniors are afraid that they cannot get it done in time, they work along with their assistants, except her.. i am doing all the work and she is getting all the credit.. i think she dont even know how to do it.. because she never tried once at all.. all this while, i self discover and self taught myself.. it is not that i underestimate her, but my patience have come to the limit i guess.. it is as if i have taken over all her clients..
well.. this morning i spoke to my performance manager.. i told her my problem... how unrest i felt ever since i got transferred.. but i know that this is a blessing in disguise.. how i worked hard for my final year for the aim to return.. i am determine enough to go through all of these and i am a stubborn person.. i want to be able to achieve what i want with my own hands.. this is supposed to be a year end dialouge but i am frank enough to say it.. unlike my senior, who is not happy when i mentioned it 2 months ago.. she is very understanding, she said i am a very good worker with a good attitude.. the company will not want to lose me to another firm.. so i do have a chance to return given that the department have sufficient employees... which i know is not now.. but at the moment, she encourage my doing secondment to the department next year.. and to include that as part of my goal for next year.. and to attend for its related trainings.. she encourage me to befriend yee wan.. the senior who transferred from IES to CPTX.. well, if i get the chance that is.. i asked her about my bonding with the company.. she said she was unsure and told me to ask boss next week.. since she is not sure whether me signing up now means i am stuck here in this department for the next 4 years.. which i do not think so.. but if it does, then i have to postpone my studies of cpa until i return to CPTX..
at least i know now, who is good and who is fake.. but yet i have to stay strong all the time.. with sufficient courage.. my future is in my hands and i shape it.. i may be being making used and taken advantaged of now, but i learn more from it.. and this is an advantage for me and i will let it be.. but i will stay awake with the facts now..
No comments:
Post a Comment