I am human... I think everyone knows that, otherwise how on earth can i talk and walk, have emotions and feelings and think? But sometimes, I cant help but to wonder, why must I be treated like a doll? I mean, I know the life is never fair and is never perfect, we are bound to have mistakes and we have our bumps in life.. But when such things happened, I hate it when people just simply blame it on others, just to make themselves feeling better.. They hurt others.
I remembered I was once like that years ago.. And I learnt a lesson that hurt me more than I hurt others, from that time onwards, I learnt to be truthful to myself, be truthful to others, I guess that was how I developed my straightforward nature and wait I hate lies so much... After all, come to think of it, of my own childish self years ago, what is there to gain if you lie? By telling the truth, at least your self conscience is clear and clean.. But by telling lies, you can concile the truth (which most of the time, will not last long either) but can you live a clean and truthful life? I do not think so...
So come back to my topic, I was pretty hurt these days by the on-off treatment.. Sometimes I cant help to wonder, is it because when your value to others are depreciating, people will tend to forget about you? Although that time, when the proposal came out and I am supposed to switch place, she told me that once, she had another assistant whom she was as close to as she is close to me, but subsequently, that assistant resigned, and they have since lost contact and she was pretty upset about that. Thus, she made that assumption that I will slowly forget about her when I change place, I strongly disagree then as I will still stand by the point of view today, because I am a person who will keep friends forever, I cherish my friends, everyone of them.. But now, I regretted for not adding a fact, that if you are not the one who forget about me first.
And that was how I felt now...
I felt since the place have been changed, she only speak to me when there is work to be done, unlike those days, which is not so long ago.. we used to share everything, I used to tell her everything, I was fond of her as she was of me.. Sometimes, I felt pretty hurt about it, especially yesterday,I felt it so much, as if I am bleeding inside.. The only thoughts I have then was what happened to our friendship? Just because she was in a bad mood and a mistake was done, does she have to go to the extent of telling me "You went training and forgot about everything else?" When the fact was, she herself remembered the wrong thing, that file was with her on the day of the meeting, I was only holding on to another file.. And now, is it my fault for a mistake done? I asked a question about signatures then, and she told me that it is not required as it was computer generated, and now, is that fault mine as well? By nature I am a honest person, so I tell whatever that is on my mind.. She simply kept quiet at my explanation.
But the wound exist now and it will take a short while to recover i guess..
If this is how she wanted to keep a friendship, I think she is losing it faster.. To keep a friend forever is to like taking care of a flower, it requires nuture.. I forgive her, because she taught me a lot in the past, because of the friendship I hope we can keep.. But I really hope, in the remaining short 2 months which I will still park under her, we can be who we were 2 months ago.. I am a human, especially a lady with a lot of emotions, just like herself.. Not a doll who can act like a sponge, absorb everything and anything willingly..
I did not wait for her today to go back together after lunch, am I too much as well? But I cant help but still remember the wound yesterday, maybe soon, I will recover.. in a week or so..
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