do i still have a right??

It had been almost 3 weeks, 3 weeks in personal tax... what can i say? last year, it took me only 2 weeks to blend into corporate tax, and fell in love with it.. but personal tax... why? i havent develop passion for it? am i not meant for it? or the days i have had in corporate tax are too precious and unforgetable? i know, my current senior trusts me, janet told me that she knows who can do work and who cant after so many years in the job, i know her encouragement for me, but why? my heart is not where it is supposed to be? my colleagues and not bad either, but something is just missing... last time, although corporate tax is ever so serious, we do not talk at all.. but i can feel the invisible line that connect all of us.. some kind of unique energy bound us together, we seem to understand how each other feel.. but here, i felt so disconnected, is it because the age gaps of the colleagues here are too far? or is it that in corporate tax, our thinking are similar?

i went out to the inland revenue board 4 times this week, alone.. except that on wednesday, i was at cheras, and then it turned out that the client's file is in shah alam, and i have to rush there and came back with janet.. i am surprised at myself really, i never knew that i am capable of this.. because i never tried this when i was in cptx, ah.. i do not deny that i did learn a lot in the past 3 weeks.. i know i will never regret my presence here.. but i am like fighting my own conscience everyday.. my heart is still in cptx, i missed that place so much, that whenever i see people belongs there, or i see corporate tax comp at printers, my heart hurt so bad.. sometimes i just want to cry my heart out.. is it considered as a kind of torture? am i angry that i was not given a choice at the first place? that place is my motivator, for the sake of my return, i worked so hard in final year for an excellent result, and yet, i got the chance and lost it instantly, not that i want to.. just like the song i am listening now, "it must have been love" by roxette.. my passion and dreams to be with them again shattered.. almost instantly..

what more that yesterday, when i spoke to yivon, i felt so sorry and guilty although it is not my fault.. i knew that they all are stressed.. since it is very peak now, i understand them well, because i was with them last year, she added that wica needs me.. i felt so sad.. i came back to help, and yet i am helpless.. they need someone to fill in the forms for them, and where am i?? not that i want to.. i asked why not give it to the pool? she said they hardly do that since they are scared that they dunno them well.. i was more upset than ever, my memories with them are too precious and i held it too tightly.. when i was about to left office at 8.30pm, i walked past corporate tax just to see them, i found out that lee choong was eating bread.. and yivon still eating nothing, i told them to take a short break and grab a bite.. but i was so sad.. how i longed to assist them, but what can i do?

born a serious and studious but blur person..i am still a very determine person that never give up on hope, hardwork and dreams.. i know that place is where i want to be, but i was taken away.. why? i want to ask why? although it is true that i learnt a lot in ies.. but can i go back to cptx one day? i made all the necessary preparations for my return.. but now i have to start all over again.. is this fair? yeah, i get to learn something new.. but now, instead of work for passion, i work for work.. will this bring me far? grace lim is my performance manager, she gave me tasks.. i learn to send emails to clients and earn respect.. and janet said for a person who have zero knowledge of tax and been here for 2 weeks, i am considered good.. but the most important thing is just missing, that is passion.. "sometimes it feels like no one understands, i do not even do the things i do" this "journey" by angela zhang describe my feelings so well.. maybe, this is life journey.. i plan to attend the corporate tax training in september, but i fear that grace will disallowed it, i do not want to stay in ies forever.. it is cptx i want and i must have some formal training.. why cant passion and dreams to be realised? will she buy my reasons? if i am to stay in ies.. i rather tender my resignation and start elsewhere.. hope that the company will not force me to take this action because i really love the company with all my heart.. or should i wait until that i can get promoted and request to return because losing me will be a loss for the company?i worry.. and pray hard each day that someone will help me to return to cptx, where i rightfully be.. i always believe that, a person who work in a place where she have passion, she is willing to battle with all types of obstacles no matter how difficult it might be.. but in a forceful work situation, no matter how small the obstacle, it will brings 2 times the pain.. and never to judge a book by its cover, just because i am small in size and look like a child.. it does not mean that i am not capable.. but do i have the right?

it is graduation day, i am so tired.. everything went on ok although my shoe almost fell off on stage, luckily i did not made a fool out of myself.. i am now officially a working lady.. part of the white collar society.. my future is in my hands.. and with all my heart, i hope that i will eventually get to return to where i belong one day.. because for all that passion i have had on it, i deserve such an opportunity..