why?

Sort of getting used to IES already but there are times i wonder if my emotional self is protesting with determination still.. sometimes i know i can perform a lot more better.. but it seems like my inner self is rejecting it.. an undying dream, passion and happiness.. which is totally unconditional.. taken away from you and during then, there is nothing you can do.. how does it feels? there are times i really want to cry my heart out.. and i did broke down on sunday morning in bed so no one knows.. how i really missed corporate tax.. how i longed to be there.. of course i will not regret coming here.. i learnt a lot.. its a fact.. but because it is not what i want to commit the whole of my life in.. when obstacles arrive i felt twice the pain..

was surprised at the fact that my bosses in this department had no idea that i am new in july.. they thought that i am like my colleague.. was in corporate pool for a long period of time.. before got here.. perhaps amelia told them that my wish and passion.. maybe thats why brittany, before she left, she said she hope to see me still in IES in january.. but, can i really last until then? got to know that about 5 will be transferred out from pool in sept, thats why i aim to speak to the lady who transferred me soon.. how i hope that she is willing to have me transferred back.. i hate regrets of any form.. and i always believe that my future is in my own hands..

a new girl from last year's intern came back and she got allocated to pool.. that is so unfair, especially to me.. why does everyone thinks that baby face cant do a thing? it is not the looks but the ability and qualification that counts.. this is so unfair..especially among all.. i am the highest qualified candidate.. i came from a prestegious university and i am only 0.2% away to first class.. but, they dont see my qualification and that hurts.. for corporate tax, i used to skip lunch for it, stayed late for it despite interns pay is only 800.. and i even tried coming back on weekends but was not allowed.. and in the end, what did i get? and the others, well, i have no comment on two second upper candidates from other uni, they are great friends.. at least they met the basic requirement.. but the new girl, second lower and she got into pool? why? why?why?

why they choose to keep lower qualified candidates and rather have me ditched out.. i want to make a return.. but do i have a chance? i want this sorrow to stop once and for all.. have to see her on the 17th.. hope that my lucky star shines upon me..