looking on the brighter side of life

I guess, i am really the kind of person who can get easily addicted to something no matter how unwilling i am to cooperate, i cannot deny it anymore, how childish i had been the past one month, because i have not been given the job a chance.. yeah, nothing in this world can beat whatever that stays in your heart.. because that is an ultimate aim, a motivation and an undying dream.. something that gives you ultimate happiness.. i hope that this feeling will stay forever of course.. but this current job is not as bad as i thought.. 1.5 months i have been in the international executive department already, and i am quite surprised that i myself get to improve, since having no background in tax, i thought i will learn slower than others regardless how willing to learn i am, perhaps i am underestimating myself of my own ability, maybe i am too used to being the not so smart one.. but i guess this thinking have to change now, with an open and willing heart, i ought to undertake everything that is given to me and face it.. of course, despite this, i am quite a headstrong person, i wish to request to transfer after form B filing next year, that is due on 30th june 2010.. wow.. which means that time is corporate peak again.. i really have no rest haha..

in a way, i am thankful because i get to learn more in my current young age.. but since i am a person who hate regrets.. thats why i want to make a request.. few weeks back i was complaining endlessly which now i review myself and find it super childish.. i keep on saying i want to go back fast as there is where i belong.. but it is actually not too bad.. its a matter of getting used to, and i am thankful that janet, she is a wonderful senior, always willing to teach, i know that i had hurt her, and i know that i had been a difficult person.. but i hope soon, it will all stop.. i was quite disappointed that i cant go to tax core 1 training, the place where i came from, i know that all people from pool are going.. but there is nothing i can do since performance manager have not given me permission.. i guess what gives me addiction in work is the sense and feeling of being needed.. i was here during corporate peak last year, and thats why i want to stay on until after peak.. to be fair and just.. i do not want to hurt someone who treated me so well.. i cant bear to live with guilt, that make life more difficult to face than to do something i hate.. which i dont of course.. i hope that my presence will help her to get promoted.. then i can leave at ease.. when she said the word that i am her savior yesterday, i feel a bit shy.. i am no superwoman.. i have my mistakes as well.. but i am willing to overcome it at all costs.. that is what i learnt.. no matter what responsibilities undertaken.. do it properly, face it with an open heart.. so i decided to look at the brighter side since i am sure now, i do not hate the job, in fact, i kind of like it..

i know that i am often a straightforward person that is both quiet and boring.. sometimes my thinking is just not my age, perhaps it is due to the way i am brought up, but i am not upset, in fact i am proud of it.. of course.. being too straightforward is something i have to make a change in.. for i tend to hurt people unintentionally.. quiet.. well.. that cant be help, but it had already improve significantly.. really.. i am more talkative than who i used to be before.. that is a real stated fact.. boring, as i said, i am born a serious person.. with a pinch of sense of humour, i do gossip and complain like most girls.. and i tend to talk about myself.. sometimes maybe too much.. i do play pranks but not used to laugh at people from the back.. especially at friends.. how does it feels if you are in their shoes? people can dislike me for being bored and i dont give a damn.. i do what i think is right because that is the fact.. some people can be jealous but i dont care.. when i am not comfortable at a situation, i tend to show it, not hide it, although sometimes i tried very hard to.. because i am a honest person.. as i said, the main reason for being extreme straightforward sometimes..

i am glad still, to have a job at the current horrible economy..and i am glad that i will have the best of both worlds.. and i am contented with my life right now.. although there are occasion bumps but who dont have it in life?? be proud of myself, that is what is supposed to be.. i am ready to accept all ups and downs of life.. because i am not scared of it.. still, i will try and negotiate for an opportunity next year to get back to where i am supposed to be.. for now, my current aim is that while i am still in IES, i will give my very best shot, help her get promoted despite i am no superwoman or some lucky charm... then i can leave happily.. LOL.. sometimes interesting things do happen here.. such as they trying to pair me up with a colleague.. i may not say a word but i do find it as a joke to laugh at.. maybe i am too cool.. my reaction but actually when i thought of it alone, i cant help but to shake my head and laugh about it..