Another week came and past, and every second, every minute of our life went past as well.. we are constantly growing.. our minds are growing.. our thinking can be different every second of the day.. as we grow, we want to get better, to be strong in every way.. well, at least i know i am.. but sometimes some things just cannot be avoided.. sometimes we are being weight down by sadness and depressing things.. there are times when we felt so weak that we want to cry but we have to hold back our tears.. and tell ourselves to stay strong whatever happens..
Well, at least i know, despite this had been a very hocus pocus week.. it turned out to be better than the last.. maybe the main contributor is because my senior is back... wonder is it a fact that i am just too young or too weak.. but there are times i know that i feel like breaking down.. but since i am not one that shed tears easily either.. it is not too difficult to hold back.. being born with silent personality is very much a disadvantage.. i am what chinese says.."slow in heating up" --- man re.. and not the typical slow speed.. is super duper.. even i myself also cannot take it sometimes punya slow.. it seems as if only people who are fond of me who can really get the chance to know what can of person i am.. else i can survive speechless for a day.. i am even amazed by my this ability.. i remember at the age of 7... i am a girl who loves to talk.. very talkative indeed.. and all i get is a slap in front of a class of 50.. it seems like that very first humilation in life killed my talkativeness.. and with the events i have been through in life.. make me a tougher person than i look.. this is why i hate people who judge others by the cover.. but turned out to be the exact fact why i got transferred and it is definitely not fair..
got a leaver this week and yet another last minute information.. he is leaving next week.. wow.. and that is a lot to do for this one.. but let me say something in secret haha.. this japanese is quite cute when he is young.. now he looked older and plump.. hehehe.. went to granny's place today and get to see yingying, my 10 month old niece.. getting cute and mischiveous.. gosh, never seen a child who love to go gai gai so much.. got a visit today from my former tuition teacher (i only have one during my school days) and her family.. her daughter is 12 years younger than me and she is only about 5cm shorter than me... T.T why must i be such a dwaft?? ruomei!! donate some height to me man.. i really need it but cant get.. so sad.. some people tell me short is good, but i dont see being kawaii is something great.. because it is just different from my aim, from who i want myself to be..
think throughly this week while taking a day leave and stayed at home.. what do i really want?? then got my degree cert and look through the subjects.. the stressful 36 subjects which i have taken during my three years of undergraduate studies.. and realised how i missed viewing situations in the sense of corporate perspective.. i missed assets, liabilities and equities.. i missed financial statements and audited statements.. i missed the times in my final year when i went jogging at the lake almost every evening, missed those days when i felt stress when i stayed up up to 4am in the morning to study.. and looking at the pictures during my intern days.. the motivation that had push me to work so hard so that i can return to this company, to cptx.. only to face 2 disappointments at the same time.. i am 0.2% to first class and got transferred away without seeing my qualification by seeing my too young looking face..
i was once very hurt.. but eventually got used to it.. thanks to having a funny senior.. who make a wonderful friend.. despite my occasion yearning to return which i tried very hard to keep hidden and let it out when i lay alone in bed at night, so that i can be strong again the next day.. even if i am told to return now, i will request for the chance to be postponed to next year july.. because hurting someone who had been kind to be is worse than dealing with disappointment of my own.. it gives me a feeling of betrayal.. yet, i cant stay here forever as that will mean i might live with regret, as i time and again emphasise that i seriously hate regrets from the bottom of my heart.. so despite how much i love this company and how i called it home.. i wish to leave if an equal opportunity is not given to me to transfer by end of next year..
i dunno.. i felt as if i am constantly in a dilemma nowadays.. i do not hate the job in this department.. in fact, i kind of like it in a way.. but nothing will be able to replace that very first love.. but yet, i know very well.. i am young and i ought to learn more things... something different.. something more.. and that is what my 47 year old cousin said so as well.. i had been given a chance to learn something different.. so take it and be contented about it.. yes, and that is what i should practice.. i know that very well.. but sometimes it is very hard to convince myself.. i guess the wound is not totally healed yet.. it is still in my heart.. wonder when will it ever be.. i really want to know..
well.. at least overall.. it had been a much better week.. hope that next week too.. will be a great one.. =)
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