this is probably a week i will kind of remember.. but from next week onwards.. i will be quite lonely because my senior will not be around... too used to fact that there is someone noisy next to me.. someone whose personality is contradicting to my shockingly quiet character..
perhaps i should go day by day... monday... i know when my senior ask me, when did i join the firm, that it is the day to determine my fate... i am a bit shocked to find that this department rate people to that level of strictness.. but yeah, i passed my probation officially, which means from now on, should i want to tender my resignation, it will be one month notice, and not one week.. which i think is unlikely gua, unless i am really unhappy.. and that day is one of the few days when, my senior suddenly became so serious to me.. i appreciate her feedbacks.. i will try my best to change anyhow.. that during urgent moments, i ought to amend stuff in a flash and not read about it first..i will try my very best effort to catch up.. during lunch, i was told that her previous assistant never passed probation, at 7-8 months.. whatever.. it is none of my issue..
tuesday was quite peaceful and wednesday, i admitted to my performance manager that i do have high expectations on myself.. which she said is good.. yeah, in a way, it is i guess.. and i got FFK by a client.. its a korean guy, the way he talk is quite cute..hahaha.. but i did not meet him in the end... thursday... worked late because i need to ask all the necessary questions before my senior leaves.. she is going to travel for 2 weeks.. so nice!! envious... =p .. and i make sure i have enough work to bypass me for 2 weeks.. but seriously, i dislike reporting to her pairing.. dont think she is very helpful... the department clerk told me that this department is imperfect, of course i know.. very well indeed.. i still feel a bit sad when i see the green corporate files.. i still itch to touch it sometimes.. my hope of returning to cptx is not given up yet.. what are my dreams if we do not make an effort to chase it? i no longer am reluctant like i used to be at the beginning.. but sometimes when i see the place where i used to sit last year, i felt my heart sink a little and how i hope that i am there.. maybe i am just too quiet.. i am never those who will talk to others.. or the one who start a conversation.. but i make a good friend.. in a way i guess.. but why?? i was this quiet last year, yet i can feel what others felt from my heart, i can call this place home.. but this year, my entire mind revolves around responsibility, i ought to grow up and accept everything..
the girl who came in the same time as me.. resigned on monday because her mom is gravely ill.. so that makes me the remaining new person.. in the department.. i felt so sad for her.. poor girl.. who would want it to be like that?? but some told me perhaps it is a good way because she wont be passing her probation.. but still, i always believe that enough chances ought to be given to everyone to show their ability.. no one can blend into one thing in such a short period of time..
but the worse i learnt is that, the worse of office politics is backstabbing.. my senior said she knew that a team is silently forming within the department.. and she had been left out as well.. but she added that there is no backstabbing issues.. actually there is.. but the person i refer to, should be totally different from the group she is referring to.. i see it with my own eyes.. how effort have been uncherished.. how at the surface, they teach properly and at the back, they gossip that you are so childish.. and the victim is still sweetly innocent.. treat the culprit as a good friend.. such happenings may not hurt them now, but when they know.. the wound will bleed.. it is a method to kill others softly and silently yet painfully..
of course, humans will be humans.. if they dont gossip, something is very wrong.. and so to me, it is not something weird, but i just hope that all can live in peace and happiness.. to help one another.. understand one another.. that is what i picked up last year and to me, is the reason why long term friends can be attained.. senior came back for a short time today.. and add a bit of my workload.. as i say, i started to blend in.. and because i still want my first love to be an entie thing i wan to achieve next and each time in future..
will i ever have this chnce??
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