It is not me.. this is not me.. physically, it is me, but emotionally and in depth of the heart, it is just not me... I am not a person who will grow tired of something quickly.. i can do the same thing over and over again and still feel happy and willing doing it, still able to derive satisfaction from doing it, still able to smile doing it, still able to have that unconditional soft happiness that cannot be describe doing it unless, that is not something my heart desire...and i know it very well...
Those days, especially during first year in university, i hate finance, a lot.. but overtime, i am able to overcome it.. in fact, during my final year, although the subject will never be my best friend, but it has become my good friend.. and much to my very own surprise, i scored pretty well in it in the end, maybe it is because boss is there to help me, right giang? i miss you a lot..
As mentioned in my previous post, i was given an opportunity to go back.. at first, i really think i can last here for 2 years, but as time passes, as i began to think in-depth.. as i began to ask myself questions.. do i really want it?? i missed this company so much ever since i left as an intern in august 2008, i dreamt of this place every night, i vision this place when i take my evening walks and still felt the sweet memories rewind, i can still smile just by the thought of those days, until the big disappointment that occured in july 2009.. i was transferred to a department that i never wanted.. of course it is difficult for me to adapt.. and i am not those people who like to talk a lot at the first place... so liaison duties.. anyone can tell that it is not me.. despite that, i tried my very best and i can adjust to my duties after a long struggle, much longer than my own expectations, i am disappointed at my own progress...
i have zero formal education in tax, but i can follow up so far because i am willing to learn, thats all.. many may not believe this fact, not even my own senior, to the extent that yesterday, i have to produce my degree results as a prove... but after the offer from last week... i told a friend, who eventually told her ex-senior, a great and respectable yet friendly girl, yivon.. and when we spoke through office communicator, she urge me to take up the offer and come back, they need people now..
as i think more and more, i can only make one conclusion.. this is not what i wanted.. those days as an intern.. i dont talk... i work and although over there, life is super quiet, but i am happy, freely and unconditionally happy, felt from the bottom of my heart.. whereas now, although i have adapted to this environment, and i considered myself more sociable than before, but it seems like i am working for the sake of working, nothing more.. what happned to happiness???
my principal have always been one... work is not about using the head and the hands to earn a living, it is about passion, something to be felt from in depth of the heart, something that cannot described.. and that place.. still remains one and none other, corporate tax have always been my darling.. nothing can substitute it, ever..
i am now really tempted to make a return, to the place that have been my "home" since june 2008, but now, i know many people in this department is tempted to return as well.. will i succeed? please tell me i can.. for there is probably nothing i want more, in life..
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