Time and again, i worry.. i fear.. i felt demotivated, because i really think there is not much hope for me to get what i want here, sometimes i felt that i am like a puppet, especially at the beginning stage when i first got one of my biggest disappointment in 2009, at that time, all i have within the heart was hatred.. and the most difficult situation is that i have to fight with inner myself.. even that time i understand that life must go on.. but my attachment to my memories make it difficult for me to move on..
Time, is the healing point.. as time goes, i got used to where i am.. and above all this, i am really thankful and blessed that i have a great senior.. warm and kind hearted.. and my colleagues, which i previously mistaken as unfriendly.. are actually like me.. not the type that is sociable at the first time met... on the contary, what we need is time, and time proves to be the main medicine for everyday.. the healing of the wound in my heart.. and getting friends..
but still, i am young and i ought to be aggressive... and the ambition in my heart remains burning, i still have hope to attain it and up to yesterday, i felt quite hopeless.. everyone have been telling me how scary she really is.. and i was thinking.. okay, maybe there is not much hope for me to second over, much more than transfer.. and i was thinking once my CPA bonding with the company is over.. i will resign and start in another company all over again in the field i really want, at least, i do not have to regret, since i really hate regrets and i get to learn more, something different..which is very much to my own advantage..
i kept on postponing until today.. and when i walked out to ta pau lunch, i was still in fear.. thinking how am i going to face that woman later.. if she is really that scary.. but the problem is officially solved 20 minutes later.. i am on my way back from ta pau and i saw her.. suddenly, much to my own surprise, approach me.. does hard work and ability of a person really travels? suddenly i felt she is so much more friendly to me than i ever remember... so i took the opportunity to ask about my secondment.. she said it is better for me to approach my own boss to ask for permission, as long as my boss is ok and she inform her, she will welcome me anytime... i was shocked...
she even said if i want to transfer back at the end of my secondment.. i can get permission and she will be happy.. but i said i have already settled down.. and agreed to live with the 2 year rule.. at least, i get to learn more... then, it was her turn to look surprised.. but she added that she is happy for me..
well.. lets hope that i can successfully get back then, one day! =)
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