Recap 2009...

it is now 3.27pm on 31 dec 2009.. in another 13 minutes.. i can declare the surprise that changed my life.. is a year old.. that day, 3.40pm on 31 dec 2008.. i received a call from KPMG that offer me a job in the department i have loved.. i still remember, i was so excited and shocked to receive that call.. i was in the middle studying for my south east asia and the global economy subject and i got so stunned that i cannot continue at all.. i was so excited!! and then thats how i ended a beautiful challenging year of 2008 and begin an even more challenging year of 2009..

january 2009 - exams i will never forget because i guess that is the exam i really invest the entire of my effort in.. and i got what i wanted in return.. in february.. it is also the last time when i declare an end to my war with one of my besties.. march turned out to be quieter.. because we are busy with our financial analysis project as well as corporate finance.. and that is our final semester in university, thus we cherished it to the fullest.. but one thing i really did almost every evening and now i missed it so.. my walks by the lake during evenings.. which earn me the nickname of lake girl.. i really love those evenings and normally in my mind.. i kept my memories during internship and review them in my mind over and over again while i was walking..

april 2009 was an interesting month.. on the 4th, which is the morning for our annual dinner, we went for studio shoot!! i had loads of fun.. although it was really tiring.. but it is worth it because all the pics, i still keep it as a part of the memories i will cherish, now and forever.. even now, it is at the desktop of my computer in office and many people, including my boss asked me about it.. yeah, these are memories i loved and the annual dinner, well.. this year was quite good actually.. and as if it have not been enough during the day, we further take more pics at night.. lolz...

may 2009... our finals.. which we have gotten the result during late june.. was the first real disappointment of the year and one of the greatest in my life.. my results was not bad.. but after such effort into it for the sake of first class... i was close enough.. just 0.2% behind which the university refused to give me,, should there be no mark down on my advertising, i would hava made it.. such a waste..

july 2009.. my second disappointment in life.. i have been looking forward to coming back ot KPMG so much, wanted corporate tax from the beginning.. then on the first day i came up.. i was told that the department was full and transfer me without giving me any choice.. to be with IES.. i have no choice but to agree.. for 2 months, i was very reluctant to work well.. it is not done on purpose.. but i was very hurt and felt betrayed.. and i really dislike this department then.. i was fighting against my own dignity, wish and soul.. it took a long time, but at least i get to overcome it..

then fatimah, who came in the same time as me but supposingly should be placed with IES itself, resigned.. while i proceed.. i tried to request to transfer back... but it was not successful.. so i made my life here.. slowly i get to like it.. made new friends but still.. did not forget my former ones.. i guessed i have gotten a bit mature since then.. because suddenly i realised.. as long as i am a good performer no matter where i am.. they will try not to lose me, as with amelia.. they rather lose her in the department rather than out from the company.. i want to be the same.. and i believe i will..

slowly, i realised that being in this department allow me to learn more than i ever expect it will.. now it have become part of my life.. i decided to stay here for maybe 2 years, or 3.. then i will transfer back to where i am supposed to be.. i realised i get to learn a lot that way.. if i have stayed in my old department.. all i learn is only corporate tax while in here.. i learn about individual, partnership and management of estate as well as a bit of advisory, perhaps i can stay longer and master all of it then i will go back.. it will do me nothing but good, i learn more and know more and perhaps.. my being in this department is somehow a blessing in disguise.. i learn more and i trust that it is somehow good for my future..

2010 starts tomorrow and i hope that it will be a better, smoother year, well, i know that after chinese new year, it is going to be a great year because the year of the tiger brings good luck to the rabbit, which is me.. hence.. happy new year all.. and i hope next year will be better than this year.. and i wish for happiness and success for all.. as well as may all dreams will come true.. and always gambate in whatever we do... =)

merry x mas..

wow.. cant believe that i am now in the middle of my annual leaves.. something i do not think will happen to me enough.. haha.. maybe i am really a workaholic.. now, even when i am having this long enough and very blessed leave for a duration of 2 weeks.. i cant really let myself slow down and be lazy.. i actually start studying for my CPA.. i know that actually, i am kind of like cheating because i am not supposed to get the notes.. but i borrowed it.. thanks so much Dylan!! but what to do, if i dont study now, when i get the notes in feb, i dont even have enough time to study.. because it will be peak period then.. and i guess i will have to stay late most of the time.. sigh~~~

x mas came and went.. and thanks for the presents which i received.. i dunno how many are there on my tray in office.. =p.. but thanks loads for the wallet, shirt, and dinner bag which i have gotten from my sisters.. and also.. thanks a lot to mom for the x mas eve and x mas day dinner.. really.. i think it is enough to pig me up.. now, really fat is in the fire!! i need something to cool it.. =)

but i really am kind of pissed by my elder sister's friend.. he is a guy and damn him.. so what if you are now in the middle management level of accenture and hold the salary of 6000 a month? whats the use of having a good looking face and flirtatious personality that many girls are attracted to? he do not even know how to be a good friend.. my sister is going to Taiwan this coming wednesday for a week.. and initially, he planned to fetch her to his home and they will departure together in a cab.. to LCCT.. and now, he changed plans and no further notification is given.. then he tell her that he have to work until 3AM that day and will go home to grab a 2 hours sleep before his dad will send him to LCCT.. and he told my sis to go alone.. or find her own transport.. come on.. she is a woman.. how to go on a cab alone 6AM in the morning? how would he feel if someone ask his precious little sister to do that?

my sis hinted him that she might give it up if there is no transport.. a normal guy will probably apologise, but not him.. instead he, like a girl, said dont be like that la.. just because i cant fetch you then you dont want to go.. ask him to f*** off man.. a totally useless banana who initiate the trip and do nothing on the planning.. totally useless man.. even if he become partner of accenture.. he will never gain my respect.. i look down upon him, despite i know he is a very smart guy (who, surprisingly, cant speak good english) who got a first class in mechanical engineering from Notts.. but no way.. he will never gain my respect at all..

ish.. pissed..

Passion

I guess, my ability might be beyond what i known about myself... 5 months ago or so, i was complaining about everything and anything about my job.. maybe, it is just a matter of not getting used to.. yet... i always knew, deep in my heart, i love the company, very much, from the time i entered as an intern, went back to university to do my final year degree (which is also the best year of my university life), and back to here as a tax consulting assistant, KPMG have never been away from my heart.. but i have never thought that i really love the company to that extent.

Yesterday, attended the annual dinner of the company, which is also the first annual dinner event i ever attend.. proving that i am no longer a university student.. i am a working lady.. time really flies.. yes, i still miss my university sisters a lot, and yet, we have to move on with our lives regardless what.. but, they will always be a part of my life, my heart, my soul.. but i have to say one thing.. wow.. now i really realise that difference between an annual dinner organised by a large company and a university.. in university, the organisers are normally inexperienced, but a company's annual dinner is organised by very experienced people, the programmes are just wonderful and interesting.. i felt like i do not want to leave.. but i have to else my mom will start nagging my head off..

when the managing partner start giving his speech, i was touched and actually felt like crying a bit.. because of the current economy situation, they actually thought of putting off the annual event.. because of the high costs that will be incurred.. but to appreciate the effort of us employees, the finally decided not to.. and how he describe it as we are a family.. i wanna shed some tears.. because i do not deny it.. i made this place home from last year, although now i am not in where i want to be.. although i am so very unwilling from the beginning i entered this department, but eventually got used to it.. and i think my performance so far is okay.. at least, i know i did not let myself down so far... and i hope, my performance so far is also okay to my senior, managers and partners.. maybe it is .. if not, why out of the blue even CPTX's partners started noticing me also (or is it that i think too much??)..

maybe, this is a prove that no matter what i do, regardless how unwilling i used to be.. i can do whatever i want as i can develop passion in whatever i do, which i think to me, it is not a difficult thing.. clients start to call and look for me now.. which now i really felt the effect of not having an extension of my own is a headache.. maybe i ought to apply for one.. but never rely on my department's secretary man.. she wont give a damn on it..

hu... thanks to dylan.. now i can start studying early.. hope i can do well in the CPA!! =p

what happened to aggressiveness?

Got a facebook message from one of my bestest buddies this week.. and understand her situation.. i respect her ability to be independent.. because i think it is important to do so while we were still young, and i definitely will support her regardless of whatever decision she made.. after all, we are young adults and we are bound to have challenges and our ups and downs.. but isn't it because we suffer before, we tasted the bitterness before, so when we achived success.. the effect is double the sweetness because we achieved something with our own bare hands? the older generation called us the strawberry generation, well, this is a chinese term and it means we have a good life all along hence we do not have such great capabilities as they have when they were at our age.. lets prove them wrong, we have our own way of doing things and succeeding it, although less on physical work and more on brain work now..

i know each individual in this world have their own obstacles, but i think it is up to us to decide and achieve whatever we want in life.. and for that, it is important to stay constantly strong and aggressive.. like teng teng, who is aiming her best for masters, so is ruomei.. and now she knows what is right and what is wrong.. she have the courage to do everything on her own because she got horrible assignment groupmates.. but we as nottingham graduates, we have each other at heart.. so despite suffering, we have each other to spit out to and we will feel better then..

but when it comes to office, i cant help but to feel how quite a few colleagues i know have such depressing view of life.. i dunno.. but i disagree and dislike their pessimistic view of life.. for instance, i have a senior who came in every morning without fail, will say one of the following... headache/backache/stomachache/chest pain/ want to puke.. i am not condemning her but i cant help feel sorry for her in a way.. life is what we make it out to be and we control it with our minds.. thats why i totally agree with the teachings of the law of attraction.. i know life is tough but whether we are up to undertake the challenge or not is like i said, totally up to us.. and once a decision is made, make sure you would not regret.. be ready to face all challenges that will appear in the road taken..

and another one.. is even worse, because he is a guy... and why do i feel that i am more independent and mature than him? he got into the department i so desperately want, and yet, do not appreciate the opportunity given.. keep complaining managers rushing him in work and all and too much work and have to stay late up to work.. which is to me, if you do not go through all of these.. how on earth are you ever going to be a capable senior? how to get promoted fast? such a softie, especially for a guy... which i think such guy is unreliable.. yes, work is busy and suffering but we have to go through it, no pain, no gain.. this phrase have been so popularly used by my grandfather and mother and i have seen such examples in myself in my own life.. but his view and whatever from his mom was.. there is no need to commit so much in a job that will tire you out.. whatever happened to aggressiveness, sense of achievement and passion?

hence, facing such people in my life.. i have to ensure myself being strong constantly so that i am not easily influenced by them..i want achievement and i know life ahead will be more challenging since i am about to start my half working, half studying life.. gulp.. sounds a bit scary but i will try my very best to juggle both at one go and to be able to achieve both well.. what mustafa said just now in facebook chat is absolutely right.. while we are young, take all the challenges.. funny how we can suddenly chat.. because i dont think i ever noticed him at all in uni.. or even talk at all.. its just a facebook add and we start chatting already.. thats weird.. but he seems like a nice guy..

wooo.. registering CPA!! gambate!!!

the right way..

hey.. i know i am too young to comment on her.. but i cant belive i actually pen it down in her birthday card.. i guess it can be my own selfish intention as well.. because i am very easily affected by people's attitude around me.. i remembered last year, when my ex-senior was in an all-day terrible mood.. all her clients are giving her problems on the same day.. and i felt her anger the whole day.. i gooble down a lunch that worth rm20 that day, on my own.. and really regret after that.. and i have to left early because i cant take her angry aura that day, it was affecting me adversely then.. but when i was at the magazine stand after i left.. i saw her walking out to dinner.. looked so down and as if want to cry anytime.. i suddenly realised how important it is for me as a junior to assist.. and how important it is to be tough to survive in the corporate world and be successful.. and i see all these attitude in her, my ex-senior wica.. thats why i always respect her.. i know at bad situations.. people tend to complain and be down.. but we should not be out.. stay strong within our own will and expectations.. maybe, i am following her footsteps a little, thats why i am fierce sometimes.. my current senior, janet said so... i never realised it myself..

thats why i admitted this fact, i gave her a positive lifestyle thingy because yeah, i do not want to be like her.. always complaining of stress.. and felt sick.. today backache.. tomorrow stomachache.. the day after chest pain and everyday headache.. i indirectly hint this.. dunno whether she caught it or not.. but i dont think so.. i put the blame on myself.. saying that when i perform below my own expectations, i will just automatically become fierce.. she thought i am stressed when she text me.. i clarified on friday evening that i am never stressed.. nor do i treat this as stress.. i called it motivation and she was amazed and speechless.. told me to keep it up.. one thing at least i am glad.. she appreciates my help.. the exact words i read from a friendster message sent to me by wica after i left as an intern.. and it was that message that prompt me to work hard in my final year because i copied it to ms word and read it occassionally, just so i can stay on strong.. and i am proud i did.. and got used to it, and thanks also to nottingham, who had trained me well indeed.. enough for me to survive up till now..and i think thats the correct attitude if you want to be successful.. and never ever.. to give up.. on anything obstacle that threatens to box you down..

last wednesday.. i worked up to 10pm again.. but i did not regret.. i finished the organizers by myself!! woo-hoo!!! 118 individuals, on my own.. because my senior complained a lot of work and do not want to do it.. i did it.. while other seniors either do it themselves or split the work with their assistants.. i undertake it myself.. and i am a newcommer.. not bad eh?

after sue ann and jessica joined kpmg, which i hardly see them as well.. middle of this month, another nottingham graduate is joining.. (giang, if you are reading this, i wonder what will you say, will you still say her smile disgust you?) it is kai ling.. she resigned from her current job and went back to notts that day, saw my younger sister and told her to tell me that.. in a positive thinking perspective.. she is telling me that i wont be alone, but i am not already.. and i am not scared of loneliness, why? because lonely is a challenge as well.. if you can overcome it, it is good also.. in a negative way, she is hinting me that i am not the only one who can work in big4, she too, made it.. but sorry.. she need to be interviewed and write CVs and all.. all these process which i never experienced.. because this job came to me instead of me going for it anyway.. haha.. so we are still different.. and this coming 31st december, 3.40pm, marks one year after yvonne lai called me for the job.. and after that i texted giang and told her.. i was studying south east asia then.. i remembered vividly..

watched mulan and love happens today.. not too bad.. love happens was nice.. but quite predictable.. i think i prefer aniston in marley and me better.. but mulan.. woah!! it was wonderful!! zhao wei acted really well.. i have always respect this chinese legend.. a girl, out of fillal piety, represented her dad to the army.. and her strength, her determination and the attitude of not giving up.. is everything i will respect in a human.. a girl, leading a pack of guy army.. she is really wonderful.. mulan.. a character i respect very well.. and she possess all the character i know is significant for me to adopt in order for me to attain success and achieve my dreams.. the first step is to beat my own weakness and be sure that i will never, ever quit..

and that, i think is the right way of life and the first action towards success!! so just try my very best and jia you!!

looking forward to my annual leave on 22nd dec to next year!! yahoo!!

TERRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY.....

i cannot believe this when i was still in office yesterday.. and suddenly, i received a call that is of a new number... and it is obviously out stationed.. at first when i picked up, i thought it was a prank call or what.. the person simply said in a blur manner.. "hello? is this ling kim?" the voice seem somewhat familiar.. like a voice i have not heard for ages.. and then i suddenly remembered.. and my first question to him was "are you terry?" he said yes, and how do i know? haha.. this is so like him.. so like the terry i used to know, 2 years in national service did not seem to have change him at all in character.. oh.. how i missed that happy-go-lucky voice and that silly laugh..

he said he kept a list of his friends from malaysia.. so he tried them all.. but nai cin's one have changed and he do not have the new number.. so i gave it to him.. he said probably most of us have forgot about him, sound a little upset really... i disagreed.. indeed.. after he left in foundation.. we still talk about him.. a lot.. we missed his joking manner.. up to final year i still will bring him up occasionally.. and i told him that, he sounds happy about it..

teased him that after two years.. he now must be a very muscular man.. he proudly declares of course... he is a strong and handsome man now.. hahahah.. still the same old perasan terry i always knew..never changed at all.. then when i asked whether he will come back to malaysia.. he said he is not sure.. he might either go malaysia or uk.. but he is thinking of coming to KL next august.. he should might as well join nottingham again.. then i told him a bit about ourselves.. and told him to get a facebook account because that is our main source of communication anyway..

he asked whether nottingham have many koreans now, i understand.. because after laying off english for so many years.. he might be worried about the standard of his english again.. i said yes, which is true... koreans are getting more populated in notts now.. he seem happier.. and less worried..

TERRRYYY!!! come back!! we want to see you... kang tae kyu.. hahahaha

Nottingham grad.. and still proud of it..

I know it may seem a bit late for me to say this.. but regardless, it is still better late than never aint it? this is what i felt and get more appreciate of my past, where i grew up the most nowadays.. and definitely happy and have no regrets of it.. and i am happy to say that i am not the only one feeling this way.. because two of my besties.. now doing their masters at different universities, felt the same way...

yes, during then, we often complained of stress.. not having enough sleep, we stayed up till dawn for assignments, we struggle much because we have to cope with 6 modules in 15 weeks and yet, we all are kind of kiasu because we want to aim high and pass our modules with flying colours.. but thinking back, i definitely have no regrets now.. because those days exist, there is the me today.. much more able to cope with stress.. or rather, am i immune to it? at least, to date in work, i do not felt stress yet.. although there is a lot of work and i am constantly busy, especially with the current condition i am in.. not being well appreciated despite the effort i have invest in.. but i believe that one day, i will get what i deserve.. well my senior is like screaming stress a lot each day, but in my mind, she did not do much anyway.. i do not felt those are stress.. everyday, she complained of headache, backache and feel like vomiting.. but thats part of life.. if we dont learn to cope with stress.. how on earth is a person ever going to be successful??

proud to say that we have been very well trained.. ruomei called me the other day and cried, until the line got cut, the situation she is in now, i can understand quite well.. her groupmates are not even bothered with doing research and while she asked her groupmate to add point into her assignment, which is a mere two page report, instead of researching and add on, she changed her wording just to prolong it instead, which is totally unnecessary.. she sent me a copy of what her groupmate wrote in another assignment.. which i have read and formed a conclusion.. her english is quite good actually, but the way she wrote is like storytelling instead of a formal piece of assignment.. and the same girl claimed that she grew up in a very strict university at the netherlands, and she got offered for warwick, which i have witnessed how one of my best friend worked so hard just so she can get in there.. the first reaction i gave was those are all bullshit.. and the same girl do not know anything about harvard referencing, which i thought is supposed to be very standardised..

on the other hand, teng teng spoke to me online yesterday.. she sent me her assignment as well and i read it, it is good, she still keep her standard very well indeed.. but i did gave her some points from my perspective, it is up to her whether she will add on to it or not... which i understand now, even in a developing country like malaysia, is getting so cautious of CSR.. and a linkage between CSR and marketing strategy can actually be formed.. she complained that her groupmates, majority are british, are a nuisance as well, they like to presume her as if she cant speak english.. and did not do proper research as well and she often have to redo the entire report on her own.. but she said, sometimes she felt that she can write better english than them..and how lucky she is as compared to ruomei since her group projects do not carry marks.. see how nottingham had trained us? and i am ever so proud of it.. and my two friends here think the same way.. we are so proud to be nottingham graduates..

seems like i have been contacted by my besties a lot these days and i am super happy about it.. the two above, and from high school, they thought of organising a gathering and although i am not a science stream person, i was their classmates once, in lower secondary, so they told me to join once they have it planned.. and cinny text me this morning to ask about cpa.. which i will register myself next week.. this create the opportunity for both of us to study together and can discuss again.. so happy.. hurray!! karyee is now facing her two final papers in acca and she is quite stress.. all the best and good luck to her.. she will get her answer from kpmg next week.. whether eventually, she will get the job or not.. she remains pessimistic about it.. keep saying she will not get, and somehow, my instinct is that, she will, no doubt, get it, worse come to worse, it will be a conditional offer.. after all, the company is cutting cost now and if they can get an acca graduate first hand, why not?

that is what i think la.. hahhahah.. so happy and proud that i am a nottingham graduate.. nottingham rocks!!! =) and i miss you so much.. i miss the classes.. the modules.. some of the lecturers, my room where i strive most of the time, the computer labs.. the library and above all.. the lake where i used to jog and destress.. i remember the when the wind blows, and i felt it on my face.. i can suddenly thought to soloutions to resolve my worries or they will just disappear, automatically without my trying hard to forget it.. dear nottingham malaysia where i spent four years of my life in.. where it had changed me from an ignorant silly teenager to a mature and more capable adult.. i missed you and love you always.. and thank you ever so much for giving me an opportunity to meet the best friends ever in my life.. those are the friends i definitely want to keep forever.. my sisters in soul..

week of hard work..

this week.. wow.. a very tough and tiring week..as usual, i am such a kiasi and kiasu person, i wanted efficiency and effectiveness.. so i commit a lot of myself in work.. monday and tuesday was not too bad la.. and i manage to figure out a case.. although this is not the first case i solve.. but its not too bad la.. i know so far, my rate of success is quite alright and i hardly disappoint myself at work.. tuesday is quite ok as well.. std for this month is out except for one co.. who gave info late... and want it by monday!! >.< .. hope that i did it right..

wednesday.. and thursday are probably the days i am most tired.. worked up to 10.30 and 10 respectively.. but of the organizers that belongs to my senior, which totalled to 139, i finished 103.. which is very fast and fastest among the others.. but i did not update the database.. i dun even have the time.. so when they extract from the database.. it remains low.. but because of that... they think i did not do work.. i felt so innocent and a little not worth it.. and as if send an email for the purpose to bombard me.. but i was in training that time..but i felt so sad when they accused me for not installing the latest version.. i did!! and access, under windows.. is always full of errors.. well.. never mind.. i will tahan for now.. but i cant wait to go back to where i belong, the most important thing is that my boss is aware that i worked very hard and i am precious to the co..

checked teng teng's assign just now.. super pro!!! =)

Thoughts

Sometimes, i think it is good in a way when you start asking yourself who am i? and why do i do this? what would happen if i dont do this?

when i look back, i really miss the lake where i used to jog almost everyday, i miss the greener environment and the fresher air than where i work now, i guess, a part of me belongs to nature.. if i have sufficient money, i will want to own a house in an area where the place is full of trees.. it is fine even if it is by the sea.. i do not mind the salty air everyday, but such faraway dreams.. i think can only be attained when i retire 33 years ahead maybe (if i ever get to retire at the age of 55 that is).

i remembered during then, often, on the way after my jog and back to my room, i used to refresh those memories i have had during my intern days.. and in fact, kind of looking forward to return here.. but after all that happens and with a twist of words from just one person, as if she can play god.. my own dreams and ambitions have been postponed and i hope, with my stubborn personality, will never shatter right in front of my eyes.. i will never let it happen.. ever.. if i know that hope is no longer available here by the end of next year, then i will move on to a new place where hope is built for me and will not be taken away..

but of course, i have made this place home and i hope, this do not have to happen.. this is why despite my unwillingness and the tears i have shed.. (note that i am not a person who usually cries) here, i have to make my keep worthwhile.. somehow, it can be a blessing, well at least i get to learn something new and totally different from where i hope to be.. i have additional knowledge and that is an added advantage, and i know, never in this life, i will ever be regret of the current moments which i am going through now.

i am happy that i manage to prove to the people who monitor me here.. glad that they realised my potential here.. that i have managed to prove to my senior that i assisted her to break her records.. i want to efficient and effective as well, and so far.. i give myself 70% maybe.. but i aim to achieve even better..

praying everyday for my dreams to come true and working hard to achieve it, i hope fate will not fail me and give me another disappointment.. like i do not deny the times which i have faced this year..

cant wait for my loooooonnnnggggg annual leave starting 22nd december till i start work again on 4th january.. i deserve a break.. perhaps i will start studying.. and i hope that year 2010 will definitely be a better one.. (which according to those feng shui books, yes!)

back to the down to earth..

And that is what we ought to be... i think for this, i still owe my ex-senior.. spoke to her on thursday early morning..one of the few days she actually came early after peak, because she have a course to attend... and she made me think twice of my current position.. whether i am really unhappy... or i am just a stubborn and over-determined person that is not open-minded enough..

this week have been quite a tiring week for me.. because most of my time is dedicated on my work.. my current senior finally had it after i have the courage to speak up to her when she.. she asked why am i so fierce.. when i answered that i am fierce only to her.. she really hit me playfully.. i know la.. in a way although i am standing up for my own right, i am not respecting her as my elder as well.. as my ex-senior advised.. i will reduce it.. anyways my so called "fierce" is not rude.. this week seem to be a week full of challenges for me.. clients really come up with all kinds of weird situations..

first, it is a client which my senior just took over recently.. and the expatriate is a leaver 10 years ago.. the irb claim that he did not settle his outstanding tax liability.. bah... its only 300.. that one only want to chase after.. then i went over to that branch and settle it.. now, after 10 years.. they finally going to transfer the cash into his account and deem his debt to be settled.. finally.. and then based on the irb's record, my other client did not pay their july std.. so we have to go through all the process to get the payment receipt... monday, i am going to call the irb to clarify this.. then another client go against the rules and claim extra computer relief last year, which he claimed once in 2007 and this relief can only be claimed once in every 3 years.. so it is his own fault since we took over his accounts only last year..

wednesday and thursday.. i stayed up to 10pm at night for work.. and am so exhausted now. had dinner with susan, my colleague that day, which we have similar personality.. she wanted to learn more.. so do i.. but i am better because she is under dilemma.. she will think it out during her leave next week... and i trust that she will.. while i am under my own stubborness.. i still want to return where i belong some day.. but when i really question my own feelings.. i am not as unhappy as i thought.. yes, my senior leave me alone a lot and i am expected to take over her large clients.. yes, there are a lot of work which i actually self-taught and yes, i definitely do more work than her.. but all these, when i come to terms and think about it.. dont they just made me grow up more? and more mature and capable?

well at least, she did teach me quite a lot.. like this week, i learnt about double taxation agreements, or DTA.. how sometimes, non-residents choose to remit taxes in their own countries or not in host countries which they work temporary.. but they need to inform the irb about this.. and with this, documents such as letters from the home country company that salary is paid by them.. letter from host country to certify that.. certificate of fiscal residence from the irb of their home country and a letter by external auditor to certify this all is true and is independent..

i will be applying for cpa next week but i need to clarify with HR about something first... whether it will constrain me from transferring when i am under bonding.. many colleagues are leaving this department, one left this week.. and another finishing her term next week.. she is going to transfer department..

for now.. i ought to put in my best effort and do all i can.. prove to the company that i have what it takes to be precious to the company and they will not want to lose me.. i just wanna cherish every opportunity i have.. although i am not at where i belong.. but i am not unhappy.. maybe sometimes i am under stress.. but its alright, who will grow up without it? i just want to be happy, maybe i dont have an equal chance now.. but that does not mean it will last forever right? i believe.. one day.. i will eventually attain it..

waking up in facts

It had been a week of many ups and downs.. a week which i discovered many truths and finally, given an opportunity to release my thoughts.. a week of me being sarcastic for once..

As I had said many times before.. i am a weird person whose character does not reflect my age.. sometimes, i think i am older than i think, my source of entertainment is just plain ridiculous.. or either that, i have been spoil real bad last year by corporate tax, trained and torture myself to be a disciplined person.. and yet, enjoying the suffering within..

Monday... nothing much really.. the company's database have been unstable the entire week and finally, it gets fixed today.. which i hope.. will be final.. note that i came for work last saturday, which result in my post of realising how not worth it is to sacrifice my darlings for it.. facing a senior who is like, doing nothing... and after seeing me facing the computer and clicking the whole day, simply asked.. am i not bored and did not even bother to do anything.. did not even help.. and those are her clients.. i did query her whether i can charge my saturday work on client in timesheet, which we have to do everyday.. she said yes and she will sign me off.. but i cannot charge it as full amount?! i thought overtime should charge more, not less.. i was so stunned.. after given it some thoughts, i recall that she did not do much, probably she is afraid that me as a junior charge more than she.. she said she want to discount my timesheet sometimes.. but is this fair to me??

Wednesday is probably the worse day.. she is in a bad mood.. and it is everything in this world she blamed on me.. 3 times.. she said she told me to do something but i forgot.. which i know very well that she did not.. i am not stupid.. my ears are sharp and i know very well what i heard.. there are 3 types of learning in this world and each human have a part of it.. but one part is stronger.. it is either, learn quickly through reading, listening or practicing, and i am at the service of listening.. unless i am unwilling, else i know what i heard pretty well.. and i am very sure that she did not say it.. i hate accusations and i am as honest as the day.. so i hate her character of turning her imagination into facts without bypassing me.. in addition to that, i really took offence of the sentence she said when it is something that is not considered as my fault.. since filing room failed to retrieve the correct file... how would i know? i am not even involved.. she asked me do i have a brain? and her voice is so freaking loud.. i was once scolded that way when i was young, and i am very sensitive to that.. at that moment, i was so mad that i feel like telling her back straight to the face.. i have a brain and it is better than yours.. but i kept it to myself.. that moment i really dislike her.. to me, you only have the right to criticise others when you do not have the equal disadvantage...

i remained mad the entire thursday.. but i did my work quietly.. and if i find what she said contradicting the truth.. i give it back to her.. i support the truth.. it was raining very heavily yesterday evening about 3.. but there is an urgent case.. and i know she will not go, i am to be the one.. i realised how much i like to undertake responsibilities nowadays.. so regardless of the rain, i go for it.. and i am such a blessed person.. halfway to the inland revenue board, the sun shines brightly.. and the officer i met is so cute and pleasant, which is not a frequent thing especially in non resident branch.. and when i got back, she told me that an officer called to look for me.. and he is cute as well.. ahahha.. i attract cute officers right? and she finally said that she noticed yesterday, both of us are like fighting each other in speech.. i smiled secretly, yeah.. but i stand for the truth.. and i have no regrets for what i did..

today, huh.. i was so sick last week but i am reluctant to take MCs.. because i hate it and i hate having backlogs.. but she, when she left office yesterday, everything was fine and good.. and? she is on mc today.. which i am sure is nothing serious.. as my colleague told me, she is constantly on MCs ever since last year but not as much as this year, right, she became weaker since i came.. or more lazier? look, it is organizer time now and other seniors are afraid that they cannot get it done in time, they work along with their assistants, except her.. i am doing all the work and she is getting all the credit.. i think she dont even know how to do it.. because she never tried once at all.. all this while, i self discover and self taught myself.. it is not that i underestimate her, but my patience have come to the limit i guess.. it is as if i have taken over all her clients..

well.. this morning i spoke to my performance manager.. i told her my problem... how unrest i felt ever since i got transferred.. but i know that this is a blessing in disguise.. how i worked hard for my final year for the aim to return.. i am determine enough to go through all of these and i am a stubborn person.. i want to be able to achieve what i want with my own hands.. this is supposed to be a year end dialouge but i am frank enough to say it.. unlike my senior, who is not happy when i mentioned it 2 months ago.. she is very understanding, she said i am a very good worker with a good attitude.. the company will not want to lose me to another firm.. so i do have a chance to return given that the department have sufficient employees... which i know is not now.. but at the moment, she encourage my doing secondment to the department next year.. and to include that as part of my goal for next year.. and to attend for its related trainings.. she encourage me to befriend yee wan.. the senior who transferred from IES to CPTX.. well, if i get the chance that is.. i asked her about my bonding with the company.. she said she was unsure and told me to ask boss next week.. since she is not sure whether me signing up now means i am stuck here in this department for the next 4 years.. which i do not think so.. but if it does, then i have to postpone my studies of cpa until i return to CPTX..

at least i know now, who is good and who is fake.. but yet i have to stay strong all the time.. with sufficient courage.. my future is in my hands and i shape it.. i may be being making used and taken advantaged of now, but i learn more from it.. and this is an advantage for me and i will let it be.. but i will stay awake with the facts now..

success means work for it, not wait for it

Had lunch with a colleague today, well in the pantry, i brought my own food alright, to cut cost, and we talk about people like we always... well, it may sound like gossip, but actually, both of us, young as we may, learn from the mistakes of others, mistakes probably the person who commit it will never realise.. and blame it on destiny or whatever else, except of themselves...

what is success?? well.. maslow hierarchy of needs would have said.. when we attain success, we achieve self-actualisation.. yes, in a way it is correct, but success also help to boost a person's ability, attitude and aim.. everyone wants to be successful.. dont we all?? but how to achieve it is yet another problem..

by saying this, i do not mean to betray others, i am only saying my own piece of mind.. like the chinese proverb saying, you may be lucky once, but you may not be as lucky the second time around.. so dont just wait under the tree and expect to get rabbit meat for supper, hunt for it.. which means there are actually no free items under the sky, everyone have to work for it.. and it is through the bitterness we endure, that when we attain success.. it is the sweetest fruit ever,, we are meant to sacrifice something in life.. and if we know we really want the outcome to be like that, then just do it.. with courage.. dare to fail, why, thomas edison failed about 999 times before he finally invented the light bulb... it is his determination that reap awards..

everyone can be geniuses... if they want to... albert eistein and thomas edison are both thought to be plain stupid when they were kids.. bill gates, as well as the creators of google and youtube are all college dropouts.. why they can be so successful?? because they never give up.. they are determined to convince themselves to do that.. not because of some minor obstacles and you conclude it to be the end..

i do not mean to do this.. but i have to admit that there are times i am quite pissed off by my senior, although she often told me that this is so that i can learn faster and learn more.. but when i observe.. i cant help but to be a little angry.. yes, she is a very cheerful person.. she is very good to me.. very protective of me.. but look, just because a client made her a little angry, she refused to call her, and instead ask me to, is this professional?? we came here to be professionals, so it is a must to practice professionalism.. be strict, be open-minded.. no matter how innocently accused you are.. if you know it is not true.. even if it is true, sometimes it is just essential to be a bit thick skinned and face it properly, even after a very fierce arguement.. this is something i learnt from cptx.. and i know it is good for me and hence, an attitude never to give up on, now and forever..

pray be.. not only for myself..but also for all my friends who view this post.. be determine, no matter how stupid one might be.. with determination.. there is nothing under the sky we cant achieve.. the most important is.. we ought not to give up..

is it worth it??

Okay, its saturday and i am in office.. i sacrifice my sleep, my entertainment, my drama to work. yesterday, i would have thought that it is normal.. but now, what is on my mind is just simply.. is it worth it? am i stupid to be here at all?? i could have be in mid valley now and meet up for gatheritng with my darling friends instead of being here alone...

came in at 9.30am today and pray here, and start the job around 10.15am.. everything on my own, and those are not even my clients.. this is my first time doing this and i am not sure how either.. but i do everything on my own with the limited guidance from the so called briefing, as now, i am considered the only new person in my department.. someone who have not done this before.. and yet i tried my very best..

my senior came in near 11 and from then, start searching for a notice of assessment and then start practicing her emcee script for a colleague's wedding tomorrow.. she didnt even do her work, i do her work.. went to cptx there and speak to a former senior, she said she had heard things about my current senior, yes, i was involved in that case, the currency rate and all.. the mistake was done early this year, so its not my fault.. how my senior got chastised by an associate director and she criticise him back right in front of his face as well.. i know both of them are not those staff who are especially careful.. but to me, admit your mistake and dont push the blame on others.. seriously, i, being her direct junior.. is not aware that this happened when other departments know it already...

suddenly, when i thought of how my presence here have reduced her job, is not worth it.. she seldom do it all as well.. its like she allocate the work to me most of the time only.. but the cptx senior told me that my ability to face big clients now is a good thing.. i get to learn more, it is true and i do not deny.. but sometimes.. it is really not fair and not worth it..

huhu~~ work

its 7.15pm.. and if you exclude the 2 managers, i am probably the only person left here.. hungry~~~ i cant wait for my sis to come and pick me up and go for dinner.. hahaahha.. well, surprisingly, these 2 days have been relatively smooth for me.. although with some challeging bumps of course.

Among which, curse my client... i courier out the letter on the 27th oct, and she called back yesterday, saying that she cant locate it.. we went through such a mess.. and track the document online, and found out that they actually received it on 30th oct, and another colleague took it.. and one of the payment due date was yesterday!! so my senior have to request for an extension of time.. which is till today.. and golly, i start to wonder whether they really care about their company.. i called them to confirm the payment made, just to request for the cheque number.. and she said that she will revert.. i waited for an hour, she did not.. so i called back, she said she forgot and woowww.. but the payment is made of course.. it is more than 90k.. (some rich guy havin such a large salary and have to pay such a large amount of tax)... tried to call the officer after that but she left already.. haiz.. whatever penalty they may get.. its their problem now.. due to their carelessness

and my japan client who used TT transfer.. golly, pity them.. they made the payment last week but it cannot be deemed until it reflects on the irb's system.... pray hard that it will reflect by next tues.. if not, hope they wont get any penalty.. its not their fault..

my senior have no comments about me when i told her that i have finished my work.. this is the first time i was complained for being too efficient.. well, thanks to the intern days, i was trained like that.. 1 thing i must comment is that, compared to my ex-senior, my current senior is less committed.. it is a fact, i always look up to my former senior because of her discipline.. and i always wish to be like her, pretty, intelligent, capable and efficient.. why, she is 13 years younger than my current senior and they hold the same position!

we are supposed to celebrate cinny's birthday tomorrow, but i cant because i have to get my person back here to work.. its tax organiser time.. which we request info from clients.. and its work work work~~ nowadays i do not deny myself being a true workaholic.. and i am liking it.. ridiculous? weird? well thats me.. and i dont care what jealous people think of me.. i am who i am.. naturally a worker.. and loving it..

but my decision remains same.. if i cant transfer next year, i will leave.. i miss thinking accounts in an assets, liability and equity manner.. not here.. salary, bonus, dividend or whatever.. although i no longer hate it, but i know i cant be here forever.. that will mean i wasted my degree altogether.. even takin a cpa will be wasted..

just do what i can.. just try my best... just aim for the highest possible achievement.. and everything will be ok.. yes! think positive!! look forward and never backwards.. and gambate!!! =)

a change of destiny??

i always knew that, name plays an important role in a person's life.. especially upon chinese people, who plays a more conservative role in their lives... which i do not deny that i too, own such a character.. but recently my mom got the idea that she want to try her very best to prevent us from all sorts of obstacles and bad luck... hence when she got to know that name can actually change a person's destiny.. she brought us to see a feng shui consultant.. who changed my name.. i always thought that my name was okay.. until i saw the effect from the calculation.. bad luck... short life.. unsuccessful..which actually is affecting my person altogether.. he told me the exact problem i faced in life.. i am a hardworking person, but my work is not very well appreciated by many others... which is exactly what the tarot card prediction said about me.. and my distance to success is always very close.. which explains my degree result and how close i am to my dream job but i was taken away..

thus, my initial name of 李玲金 had been changed into 李菱津 (the Ling is without the grass head thats it, because the word belongs to kangxi dictionary.. and it is not available in any other typical chinese dictionary.. i tried)... and now the change in the name, whether it will really bring success.. is yet to be seen.. still, i have to write 10 times of my new name for 100 days.. wow... and have a pendant made with my new name.. and to notify at least 5 other people with different surnames about this change.. the more the better of course..

in addition to that, went to sg wang later on and remove all the moles on my face.. well.. it is not fully removed yet.. but gosh.. it is painful! but they have to be removed because they bring gossips to my life and cause wealth to leave me.. but all these, are just traditional chinese believes..

changes made today will not mean i will forget the rest in my personal dictionary.. i will still keep my faith in Buddha.. and i will still be hardworking in whatever i do.. i will still try my very best in everything i do to attain my success.. but now.. i was told not to touch ginger for 2 weeks because my skin is sensitive.. well.. i guess eating salad is good eh? i can detox.. and diet at the same time.. not a bad idea eh?? hehe..

hope all is well upon these changes made to my life...

many things in a day...

yesterday had been quite a day for me.. never would i expect that the day will turn out this way.. i was expecting just a typical working day in office, doing what i am supposed to do and all... but then as i waited and waited, my senior did not appear again and no notification had been sent.. so i was told to text her, it turns out that she is on mc.. this is the 23rd day she left me alone on my own since i came but i understand it, that she is unwell.. although there are times, which i do not deny, that i envy others whose seniors were there most of the time for them.. i know her absence will somehow allow me to be more independent and able to stand on my two feet.. but seriously, when you got used to having someone noisy next to you, the sudden quietness is so difficult to bear sometimes..



just by arranging the ESOS thing really take up a long time, i never seen such long documents.. nor can i imagine what will happen if i am the one reading it.. i think i will vomit man.. ewwwww... although it is true that i am a finance, accounting and management graduate.. i admit to the fact that i never really have passion for finance.. and stock options contribute a major part of it.. to me, it is just boring stuff.. something i can call my lullaby when i am suffering from insonmia..



what are friends?? to me, a real do not have to be one that always stays with you, entertain you, talk to you about endless things under the sun.. but one that is always there for you when you need it.. and i rather play that role.. i do not need companion with me all the time, because to me, friends that are true are always in my heart, and never far away.. i believe that we are linked somehow from within the heart.. that is what i define friends as.

the worse thing is my e-dialouge.. i hate it man.. i rather do 100 assignments than that.. imagine you having to set goals for yourself for the next one year?? yerrr... i dont like la.. somemore i submitted the first copy last month after i passed probation.. then my PM did to review till yesterday and want me to amend and submit to her yesterday itself.. i did it.. but yerrr....

before i left, get to speak to wica.. feel so good to talk to her somehow.. my ex-senior who used to be so fierce towards me.. but yet she is such a wonderful friend.. really, something nowadays i tried not to think but there are times this thought will come back and attack me, and cause me to be at war with myself again.. i know it is really bad of me.. but i really do look forward to return there one day.. many people suddenly noticed Spot today, my little doggie handphone seater.. which is given to me by wica and auyong.. really want to and hope to return there and fulfil my own ambition one day..

ah.....finally...

Felt relieved suddenly.. after the grand rush from last friday till today.. thanks to my wonderful handsome japanese client.. (well, he is good looking when he was young, something which i cannot deny)... his departure tomorrow ought to be a safe one.. his boss really drive me crazy man.. its a she by the way.. first she said his file is located at shah alam, but it is in jalan duta.. which is also the most troublesome branch...gahhh... because it is about the only branch in klang valley which require everything at one go, anything short they will not accept.. tried kampung attap branch to help to certify his passport but is not successful.. because the branch is not an outstation branch.. tried to plead many times but none of the officers, including big shots, are willing to help.. so in the end, we have to, within 2 days, get everything done.. the tax return and its calculation.. as well as other stuff.. send to client as soon as we can to get it signed.. which was yesterday.. and today morning, i got it back, and off i rush to inland revenue board to submit it, thank goodness everything went alright, i am ever so thankful for it.. phew~~



went off at 10.30 but came back quite late, around 1.30 and i have yet to taken any lunch.. gosh, i was so so hungry.. that i know i must have something hot.. so off i went to daves deli with their 30% offer for all food!! spagetti.. i have a crave for it suddenly then.. thats what i had for lunch too.. hehe.. on my way there i met wica, my ex-senior from corporate tax.. dressed so pretty today.. but she is a very pretty woman from the beginning, and i admit she being my idol.. from last year, someone i hope to be like in the near future..

then after lunch, the client called and said she will send her driver to collect the passports.. wosh! and there i go rushing again.. after he collected it, i suddenly feel so relieved.. then i realised how tired i am.. i am so sleepy... maybe it is because i slept a bit late yesterday as well.. talking to mom... never have i expected that i have gone so far here.. but i know very well as well, what is suitable for me and what is not.. although i wont say that this job is not me.. but i have to say that i have preference over others.. something i expected out of myself and something i definitely want to achieve in the future.. because lingkimlee really really hate regrets in her life and try her very best to avoid it

a slightly better week

Another week came and past, and every second, every minute of our life went past as well.. we are constantly growing.. our minds are growing.. our thinking can be different every second of the day.. as we grow, we want to get better, to be strong in every way.. well, at least i know i am.. but sometimes some things just cannot be avoided.. sometimes we are being weight down by sadness and depressing things.. there are times when we felt so weak that we want to cry but we have to hold back our tears.. and tell ourselves to stay strong whatever happens..

Well, at least i know, despite this had been a very hocus pocus week.. it turned out to be better than the last.. maybe the main contributor is because my senior is back... wonder is it a fact that i am just too young or too weak.. but there are times i know that i feel like breaking down.. but since i am not one that shed tears easily either.. it is not too difficult to hold back.. being born with silent personality is very much a disadvantage.. i am what chinese says.."slow in heating up" --- man re.. and not the typical slow speed.. is super duper.. even i myself also cannot take it sometimes punya slow.. it seems as if only people who are fond of me who can really get the chance to know what can of person i am.. else i can survive speechless for a day.. i am even amazed by my this ability.. i remember at the age of 7... i am a girl who loves to talk.. very talkative indeed.. and all i get is a slap in front of a class of 50.. it seems like that very first humilation in life killed my talkativeness.. and with the events i have been through in life.. make me a tougher person than i look.. this is why i hate people who judge others by the cover.. but turned out to be the exact fact why i got transferred and it is definitely not fair..

got a leaver this week and yet another last minute information.. he is leaving next week.. wow.. and that is a lot to do for this one.. but let me say something in secret haha.. this japanese is quite cute when he is young.. now he looked older and plump.. hehehe.. went to granny's place today and get to see yingying, my 10 month old niece.. getting cute and mischiveous.. gosh, never seen a child who love to go gai gai so much.. got a visit today from my former tuition teacher (i only have one during my school days) and her family.. her daughter is 12 years younger than me and she is only about 5cm shorter than me... T.T why must i be such a dwaft?? ruomei!! donate some height to me man.. i really need it but cant get.. so sad.. some people tell me short is good, but i dont see being kawaii is something great.. because it is just different from my aim, from who i want myself to be..

think throughly this week while taking a day leave and stayed at home.. what do i really want?? then got my degree cert and look through the subjects.. the stressful 36 subjects which i have taken during my three years of undergraduate studies.. and realised how i missed viewing situations in the sense of corporate perspective.. i missed assets, liabilities and equities.. i missed financial statements and audited statements.. i missed the times in my final year when i went jogging at the lake almost every evening, missed those days when i felt stress when i stayed up up to 4am in the morning to study.. and looking at the pictures during my intern days.. the motivation that had push me to work so hard so that i can return to this company, to cptx.. only to face 2 disappointments at the same time.. i am 0.2% to first class and got transferred away without seeing my qualification by seeing my too young looking face..

i was once very hurt.. but eventually got used to it.. thanks to having a funny senior.. who make a wonderful friend.. despite my occasion yearning to return which i tried very hard to keep hidden and let it out when i lay alone in bed at night, so that i can be strong again the next day.. even if i am told to return now, i will request for the chance to be postponed to next year july.. because hurting someone who had been kind to be is worse than dealing with disappointment of my own.. it gives me a feeling of betrayal.. yet, i cant stay here forever as that will mean i might live with regret, as i time and again emphasise that i seriously hate regrets from the bottom of my heart.. so despite how much i love this company and how i called it home.. i wish to leave if an equal opportunity is not given to me to transfer by end of next year..

i dunno.. i felt as if i am constantly in a dilemma nowadays.. i do not hate the job in this department.. in fact, i kind of like it in a way.. but nothing will be able to replace that very first love.. but yet, i know very well.. i am young and i ought to learn more things... something different.. something more.. and that is what my 47 year old cousin said so as well.. i had been given a chance to learn something different.. so take it and be contented about it.. yes, and that is what i should practice.. i know that very well.. but sometimes it is very hard to convince myself.. i guess the wound is not totally healed yet.. it is still in my heart.. wonder when will it ever be.. i really want to know..

well.. at least overall.. it had been a much better week.. hope that next week too.. will be a great one.. =)

stress and exhaustion

it had been quite a not so good week for me.. and this cause me to be a bit depressing.. the second week without my senior really made me want to die.. i am expected to take up so many responsibilities.. which seem to have an adverse effect on me.. made me hate this job which i have never chosen for myself even more.. having no background in tax, it is already a challenge for me to take up this job.. and since i am not genius.. the high expectations i felt laced upon me is really killing me.. i mean, everyone make mistakes.. so what about me?? of course i will as well.. in addition to that, my 3 months here.. my senior 20 days absence really affect me as well.. and i hate people who give me that look that says.. i thought you are supposed to be smart.. really hate it.. nothing in this world can express my dislike for this job.. it seems to me that i am just working for the sake of working, there is no passion in it.. unlike last time, i will research more about it.. now i do not even have the motivation to.. what is happening to me??? where is the me i know all the time? or am i just surrending to a job i dislike so much??

i almost broke down on thursday.. my family is aware of it.. i am forcing myself to hold back my dislike.. i am still not happy with the decision of force.. especially when i know the girl who came in a month later than me, and whose result is far behind me is allowed to be where she belongs.. i do not deserve this but why is it happening to me?? why me?? sometimes i want to cry and i always tell myself to stay strong.. but i know very well.. this is not the job for me.. if a year later and i fail to transfer back, i am sorry, depsite how much i love the company, i have to say goodbye.. i just cannot take it anymore.. enough is enough..

despite this, something good happened anyhow.. i met sue ann.. just as pretty as anytime she is.. and i got to know that actually i did better in my degree than i expected.. i never knew that they did position arranging as well.. sue ann told me about that, and we have to ask on our own to know about our own position.. i got 4th.. which is quite good.. damn that 0.2% that ruin my opportunity to first class.. grrrr... but still, that make me top among the local students for my course.. followed by teng and sue ann.. that is still, something to cheer me up for a little while..

i watched meatballs!! it is nice.. and meaningful.. and the food there is delicious!! yum yum.. haha..

after seeing me so upset, mom went to a tarot card reader yesterday.. because i am pinning for corporate tax very badly.. i just dislike this job very much that i do it just because i have to.. and that is so stress, and i am exhausted.. the tarot card reader said this year chances for me to return is very rare, which i already know.. because the people who can help me is rather weak.. and that i am a very hardworking person, whatever i do, i put in the whole of my heart and effort to do it.. and the outcome is not appreciated by many people.. instead, it lures many gossips about me.. but i am one tough nut.. i am strong enough to bear it, just that i have to learn to smile at all critics.. i am confused now, which is true, i want to return so much but what is stopping me is that if i leave, my senior will be at a difficult position.. and i hate this betraying other people feel, i just wont forgive myself for commiting that, thats why i am confused.. generally, i am a very fillal child, and the tarot card reader asked whether i am in a relationship, sis told him i have never been, and he asked for my animal sign, which is rabbit.. he frown and calculate again.. he said that i ought to have one now.. an opportunity have passed.. but he said that the man for me should be a very tough guy, he cannot be a bit sissy or weak because i cannot tolerate it, adding that i am a very tough and independent girl, and i can survive without a partner at all.. he said i will probably meet the "him" at 25.. well.. about the age i think is appropriate anyway.. mom asked further about whether my studies will proceed well.. he said yes.. i am clever and hardworking enough to cope.. hopefully this is true.. but as for transferring department, not this year, because help for me is sadly little.. and what he said is true, my effort is very much less appreciated in this department..

but he also said that tarot cards are actually the most inaccurate fortune telling equipment as any changes in character will change the entire result.. hence i rather keep my faith and pray with all my heart, that i will get to return sooner than expected.. if not, sadly, i am leaving this company for others.. if i really love it here, then in the near future, i will return.. but i want it in the correct department the next time around.. i want to be able to plan my future.. not being forced into something i dislike and it is being planned by others...

jill and susan also said that they dont like here.. they will eventually transfer.. to total risk management.. jill, like me, who was transferred using the same reason and above that, she was an intern in this department and spent 6 months in cptx pool, agreed that she very much prefer corporate tax as well.. and she agreed on how unfair it is for me.. i hate it when they judge me by the cover, just because i look young, like a child due to my baby face, does not mean that i cant work.. and how unfair it cause me?? i cant even go to tax core 1 training like the others who came in the same batch as me..

according to horoscope.. next year will be a good year for me and i hope that it is true.. all i want is to get back to where i belong and create magic from there.. seriously, if i am to judge my working performance now.. others might think i am fine or good.. but to me, i barely pass.. i will keep my faith and pray very hard to get back.. pray for me and wish me luck as well peeps!!

finally, my senior is coming back next week.. i hope to be less stress.. i hate it sometimes of her frequent absence since i came.. i am only here for 3 months?? and they expect me to act like a senior???????? that is too much!!! although i am not stupid, i am not a genius either.. and that really exhaust me to the core and yet it is difficult for me to voice it out..

going independent

phew~~ i managed to past one week without my senior.. although yeah, it is so much more boring without her because the place suddenly seem more quiet and solemn, hence create stress in a way, especially, when i do not think i am independent enough yet.. because i have been here for a mere 3 months, in a department totally new to me.. learning to adapt and catch up itself prove to me a challenge for me, what more of its job scope.. since it is totally different from what i used to know, from the department i had always pledge my heart to but unable to get it... a dream that i still keep to myself and angry at myself for unable to achieve it despite my effort to request.. still, i do not want to disappoint myself, regardless how unwilling i am, i will still put my very best effort in whatever i do, just pray silently every night, that one day, i will be able to return to where i belong.. and finally to archive my dream

being left alone this week really make me having many mix feelings.. suddenly i am able to understand the fact of my senior unable to promote in a speed like the rest despite her age.. gosh she is messy is all i can say, when i start ransack the file of a client, i suddenly noticed a letter from the government which i never knew, exist at all, and it is received on late august.. which is so long now.. and that, i swear, give me a whole list of problems, now i have to appeal to the inland revenue board, because she never submit the revised tax computation to the government at all.. and the worst scenario is that, i cannot even locate the soft copy! i dunno how am i going to survive next week, for this is something that must go by next week, according to the normal rule.. and now that i am under the guidance of another senior.. haiz.. i must obey it, but anyway, if given the chance, i will follow it no matter how.. i just feel very disappointed at my senior for not doing things systematically.. well, i dunno, but i guess others should not put the blame on me that somehow, i tend to compare between her and my ex-senior, i still remember how systematic she can be.. when i admit on not having enough time, and that i will complete it tomorrow morning, she said its alright, she will do it herself for it is quite fast..

i feel so lost sometimes and i am not giving up.. for i think that it is the main reason for a person to attain success.. is to have this attitude.. and a heart that is forever willing to learn, although i felt the effect more and more nowadays..that if they want me to stay in this department forever, i rathe resign and start elsewhere, the more important thing is that, i am able to achieve my dreams as time and again, i made it clear to myself that i hate regrets.. regardless in the past, present or future, it will be the same.. i know i ought to say that in a straightforward manner, for her own good.. but i cant do it, because i hate hurting others as well.. made me feel so selfish.. i know it is human nature to be so, but i tried to avoid it whenever i could.. all i want now is to give my very best shot and hope for an excellent report next year just so i can return to where i belong..

i was very upset with the unfairness i am facing now.. seriously, what is this man?? not to say that i am jealous but i still cannot accept it.. one year, for one year i hope and dream of coming back, and in order to return, i worked so hard on my final year, although the best aim is not achieved in the end... but i am so close to it, then i came back just to have a second big blow.. and now a third and a fourth happen at the same time.. seems like i have suffered many disappointments this year eh? third is my disappointment on my own senior, i texted her to keep her updated whatever in the office, expect her to provide at least some guidance about the next step.. but instead, her reply is all about herself having a wonderful time travelling..

the fourth disappointment is despite my results for final year improved significantly and i am just 0.2% away from first class.. and i came from a reputable university.. nothing of these matters to the tax department, all they see is my baby face and their guess seems like i am not worthy to stay on in corporate tax and have me sent away, although i tried very hard to learn and keep up and stay on in good books of the department, but do others ever know how i felt deep inside my heart? whenever i see people from the department i want, i felt my heart sink to the very bottom and during depressing times, i want to break down and cry but i kept telling myself to stay strong, for one day, i will get what i deserve for sure.. but i am sad when the girl who came in a month later than i get to be kept in corporate tax, and she is a second lower degree holder from bottom ten university.. and now she is being allocated to a senior, who is my ex-senior.. i missed having her scolding and lecturing me like last time, for i cannot deny, she is a wonderful and effective trainer despite her fierceness.. because of her, teaching me about JAs and JRs.. i do not feel that it is torturing at all when i transferred here, which most of the time, i am dealing with those stuff.. all i can do to console myself is that, it is a good thing, i get to learn more and besides, staying in the department where i belong may cause a great delay in me passing probation, which i did one week ago.. for now, that girl is skeptical of her future and thinks that she will pass only after 6 months.. and i kept telling myself time and again, a person who is really talented and good is able to perform well wherever she is, whether she like it or not and i want to be that person.. for good performance will make me precious to them, and they will eventually learn to lose me in that department rather than lose me from the entire firm.. that is what i had been advised and why i am willing to stay on.. because i know i will skip disappointment on myself.. since i am such a kiasu person..

just learnt that two of my ex-classmates joined my firm this week! i am so happy, i am not the only nottingham person here anymore ever since pooiyan left.. now in came sue ann and jessica.. the two greatest beauties from my class.. and funny thing is that, none of us are in the same department.. no matter how, i just hope that all three of us will show the firm what it means to be a nottingham graduate and why we are far better than others, for i always believe that, our parents spent so much money for our tertiary education, we ought to show them, the strong and determine spirit.. we learnt from university..all the best to both of you! sue ann and jessica! =) cant wait to see both of you around.. whenever we have the chance..

jia you!! i will not give up no matter how suffering it is.. i hope i am doing great.. i hope what my senior said is true and not just a simple assumption.. i want to be good, i want to be successful, although not in this department, but i just want everything to be smooth so that in the near future, my request to return will be approved.. next year will be a better year and i hope that by then, my return will be successful and no obstacles will prevent my movement..

updates from this week

this is probably a week i will kind of remember.. but from next week onwards.. i will be quite lonely because my senior will not be around... too used to fact that there is someone noisy next to me.. someone whose personality is contradicting to my shockingly quiet character..

perhaps i should go day by day... monday... i know when my senior ask me, when did i join the firm, that it is the day to determine my fate... i am a bit shocked to find that this department rate people to that level of strictness.. but yeah, i passed my probation officially, which means from now on, should i want to tender my resignation, it will be one month notice, and not one week.. which i think is unlikely gua, unless i am really unhappy.. and that day is one of the few days when, my senior suddenly became so serious to me.. i appreciate her feedbacks.. i will try my best to change anyhow.. that during urgent moments, i ought to amend stuff in a flash and not read about it first..i will try my very best effort to catch up.. during lunch, i was told that her previous assistant never passed probation, at 7-8 months.. whatever.. it is none of my issue..

tuesday was quite peaceful and wednesday, i admitted to my performance manager that i do have high expectations on myself.. which she said is good.. yeah, in a way, it is i guess.. and i got FFK by a client.. its a korean guy, the way he talk is quite cute..hahaha.. but i did not meet him in the end... thursday... worked late because i need to ask all the necessary questions before my senior leaves.. she is going to travel for 2 weeks.. so nice!! envious... =p .. and i make sure i have enough work to bypass me for 2 weeks.. but seriously, i dislike reporting to her pairing.. dont think she is very helpful... the department clerk told me that this department is imperfect, of course i know.. very well indeed.. i still feel a bit sad when i see the green corporate files.. i still itch to touch it sometimes.. my hope of returning to cptx is not given up yet.. what are my dreams if we do not make an effort to chase it? i no longer am reluctant like i used to be at the beginning.. but sometimes when i see the place where i used to sit last year, i felt my heart sink a little and how i hope that i am there.. maybe i am just too quiet.. i am never those who will talk to others.. or the one who start a conversation.. but i make a good friend.. in a way i guess.. but why?? i was this quiet last year, yet i can feel what others felt from my heart, i can call this place home.. but this year, my entire mind revolves around responsibility, i ought to grow up and accept everything..

the girl who came in the same time as me.. resigned on monday because her mom is gravely ill.. so that makes me the remaining new person.. in the department.. i felt so sad for her.. poor girl.. who would want it to be like that?? but some told me perhaps it is a good way because she wont be passing her probation.. but still, i always believe that enough chances ought to be given to everyone to show their ability.. no one can blend into one thing in such a short period of time..

but the worse i learnt is that, the worse of office politics is backstabbing.. my senior said she knew that a team is silently forming within the department.. and she had been left out as well.. but she added that there is no backstabbing issues.. actually there is.. but the person i refer to, should be totally different from the group she is referring to.. i see it with my own eyes.. how effort have been uncherished.. how at the surface, they teach properly and at the back, they gossip that you are so childish.. and the victim is still sweetly innocent.. treat the culprit as a good friend.. such happenings may not hurt them now, but when they know.. the wound will bleed.. it is a method to kill others softly and silently yet painfully..

of course, humans will be humans.. if they dont gossip, something is very wrong.. and so to me, it is not something weird, but i just hope that all can live in peace and happiness.. to help one another.. understand one another.. that is what i picked up last year and to me, is the reason why long term friends can be attained.. senior came back for a short time today.. and add a bit of my workload.. as i say, i started to blend in.. and because i still want my first love to be an entie thing i wan to achieve next and each time in future..

will i ever have this chnce??

appreciation

this week seems short as there are only 3 working days.. but one thing for sure, a lot happened.. and i seem to be able to know a lot of hidden things in a blink of an eye..

well.. lets talk about wednesday itself.. the previous friday, my senior told me that she had negotiate with amelia that there is no need to send her passports to klcc.. and then, what happened?? wednesday morning she came with a dark face and start to query me.. why didnt i do it, when i explain, the shock expression on her face imply to me that there may be a miscommunication between she and my senior.. and my senior is away for full day course that day.. unfortunely.. so she start spreading my being irresponsible to the entire department.. i do not care less of it.. i have seen through her that very minute..

then, by end of the day, she realised she need help to do travel schedule, she start being so sweet to me.. so i came in early the next day just to do it for her.. and amendments means that my own work for janet have been delayed.. that was what happened on thursday.. friday.. haiz.. kesian jill.. she is out from morning to do passport verification for amelia, from jalan duta to kampung attap to return passport to shangri-la hotel.. how she have been tortured.. amelia knows that with imcomplete information.. jalan duta will be unwilling to verify the passports.. but she practically have jill beg the officers.. if she is so smart.. why didnt she do it on her own?? but it did not turn out to be successful in the end and jill dont care la.. anyway her own senior is not amelia anyway..

then yesterday.. i am in such a emergency rush as well.. the u-mobile case of another senior.. partner told me to go out to cheras at 3pm.. and since the client is leaving today.. they need the tax clearance letter.. so i was send to collect it and told to go clients place to pass the letter to them.. phew.. luckily i did ok.. but it was so hot yesterday that i want to die.. i reach office only about 5.15pm.. but glad that i did it.. after that, when everyone left, leaving only me, susan and jill in office.. we start talking as partner told the three of us to plan for out trip to hike broga hill?? man.. so i am back there again?? haha..

then we eventually linked to amelia.. jill start complaining about what happened to her, she said when she photocopy the passports, amelia told her that she is going to do the travel schedule herself.. but in the end, i did it.. and then she went out for amelia.. amelia's mood is like the unpredictable weather.. and susan said she is never sincere.. she will be sweet to you when she need help and when she dont, she will show you her bad temper.. she said that no one in the department like her.. they just tolerate with her... but it is undeniable that she really can act to be the goody girl in front of partners.. work very hard and all.. thats why they like her.. but to juniors.. she treat them like dirt.. i saw it myself since i am facing her... fatimah, her junior who came in the same time as me.. did not pick up very fast, i understand that.. after all, being new, who can learn in a speed?? people learn from mistakes and i am glad that from my intern days.. my ex-senior, wica.. although she is fierce with me, but she appreciate my effort.. and wrote me a good comment, which is why i came back to the company..

but fatimah, although her learning is slower, but who can be a natural born worker especially on her first job??? chances should be given to her so that she can catch up, she is very hardworking, she stay up to 9-10pm sometimes and put her best effort.. and amelia never know.. and what happened? she scolded fatimah over mistakes commited.. so loud everyone can hear.. i feel so bad for fatimah.. amelia did not even teach her properly.. and susan said, she overheard it, she filed a complain on fatimah to partner, who said they might change another assistant for her.. and as for fatimah, there might be a risk that she will be fired.. that is too much!! what effort did fatimah put in, why did they turn a blind eye on it?? it is so unfair on her!!

that is the moment i realised.. how much i miss corporate tax environment, although i have gotten used to the work in international executive services department... and start to like it, the environment is just not the same, not what i am used to.. unlike my intern days in corporate tax.. when everyone dont talk at all during peak period but naturally, there is a feeling call home.. i felt like i understand them from deep within the heart.. its like a transparent connection, i cant see it.. but yet i can feel it.. in this current department, other than a few good friends.. and of course, a nice and cute senior, janet, middle aged edi but seem much more younger than i.. i seem to be disconnected from the rest. i missed the environment i called home but from where they put me now.. i hardly get to go there.. haizz

just hope that somewhere near in the future, this dream of mine will be realised.. to fulfil it, i am willing to sacrifice even by delaying my time for promotion.. but please.. no team 4.. thats my only hope..

challenges and sweets.. =)

These days, i have been wondering why i am under observe.. i dunno.. but it is as if from monday to wednesday, nobody seem to be bothered about me and then from thursday onwards.. i felt as if the attention is on me.. from that time i was asked to calculate std.. i felt so shy..especially when grace, my performance manager said, janet had taught you well.. i know very well that the credit goes to janet.. and i felt like i cheated.. ahahah.. but i am ever so thankful to have her as my senior.. she is a wonderful woman.. even mom said so.. and yesterday, she offered to give me a lift to mid valley.. and thus i followed.. she told me that she had always got complain because she was too lenient to her previous assistants.. but she said towards me.. she is considered as very strict.. i did not ask why.. but i felt her expectations towards me is very high.. a bit stress but i should take it as a challenge.. after all, every obstacle have to be cross over to attain success.. but she told me that when she return next month, probably from end of next month, i may have to work 7 days a week.. so be it then..

i understood now, not necessary that friends must be by your side to keep you company, so long they live in your heart and you live in theirs.. that is the most important thing ever.. i have never realised that i miss my sistas so much.. until i met part of them today.. actually it is meant to be a farewell party for chana and teng teng, but getting together, being noisy together, it is definitely something you will cherish forever.. and they got me belated birthday pressies!! how sweet, really love you guys to the very core.. my darlings..
went shopping with cinny after that.. this is the first time ever.. and she got some clothes.. and i got my shoes.. finally.. owh... i got the navy heels i set my eyes on from last month.. and they are really nice.... love them.. my darlings, we should meet up again and this time, i will try my best not to be so super duper late.. =.= .. all the best to you chana and teng teng, and those two who are not here.. giang and ruo mei as well.. =)

i was quite disappointed with my cousin.. nicole, one of my sistas, is working for her now, suling.. i have never been close to her, maybe it is due to the fact that our age gaps are too wide but anyway, i dislike her character.. her family love to boast a lot.. and they are so proud because suling married a rich man, thats how she got her own PR firm and be her own boss anyway, but she is so stingy oh my god.. she paid nicole so little, 650, and she is a graduate.. my my.. even my pay when i was an intern is more.. and she do not know how to communicate well with her employees.. how on earth she run her own business anyway under such conditions i wonder.. since employees are the greatest asset of a business... and the worse case is.. to cut cost, she actually go to the extent to ask her parents to pick up newspapers for her??? what kind of daughter is this?? stupid..

my advise to nicole is to get a better job quickly and to find out what she likes so as to attain it and so that she knows that it is worth her effort.. in fact, since she can talk... consultancy is the right job for her.. and to me.. consultancy have a bright future... anyways, no matter what my darlings, whatever jobs and duties you are at.. so long you know that you are happy, i will give you my full support.. just stay happy thats it.. love all of you to bits!!

zzzzz.....

thats how i feel now.. sleepy.... goodness knows what on earth happened to my sleeping hours, i will feel tired very early at night alright.. so i sleep early when when i woke up, very alert.. its 3.45am... so basically i have to force myself back to sleep.. which is difficult because you will start dreaming.. and that means not fully rested.. so when i actually get out of bed, after a day at work, i will be very exhausted.. again.. how i hope that this process will eventually end.. hmmm.. wonder if this means a new kind of insonmia? or just sleeping disorder.. or simply i sleep too much during weekends

this had been quite a lonely week for me.. cham lo.. if my senior is not around for one day and i am already so lonely.. what will happen to me when she is away for 2 weeks next month? will i die of boredom? or not talking at all for a duration of 2 weeks? sometimes i do wish that i am involved in tax core 1.. so i do not have to face so many matters on my own.. i know this sounds irresponsible.. but for me, my knowledge of tax is so little that it is sadistic.. and when senior is away and i am expected to undertake all the responsibilities.. i am so stressed out i want to die.. i want to cry.. sometimes i felt so helpless but who can i lean upon? if i am here for at least half a year already, and know all the stuff, perhaps it is better.. but now, undertaking all responsibilities with zero knowledge.. this is stress.. and her pairing is not exactly helpful.. maybe it is because i am not her assistant.. especially at these moments.. i miss corporate tax a lot.. although my ex-senior did leave me alone last time.. but very infrequent.. but, running away is not a solution.. so at all times, i always have to persuade myself to stay strong.. 2 years is not a long time and i am sure to be able to go through it..

celebrated yivon's birthday today.. initially want to belanja her, but ended up manager belanja pula.. apa la.. but my food came as a shock.. so much.. really pengsan.. haha.. of course, cannot deny that it is expensive la.. happy 24th birthday yivon! may all your dreams come true!! =)

ahha.. waiting for saturday to come.. =p

cant wait cant wait cant wait.. cant wait to see you girls again!! i miss all of you so so much.. although it is destinated to be part off sadly.. as a farewell to teng teng and chana who will be doing their masters in uk.. all the best girls!!